


Friends Don't French-Kiss

by angelsfalling16



Series: FDF [1]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Set at Watford, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-05-16 07:50:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19313827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsfalling16/pseuds/angelsfalling16
Summary: Simon and Baz have one of their many arguments, but this time, it ends with them going on fake dates and trying to compete to see who would make a better boyfriend.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This morning, I also realized that this is the 50th snowbaz fic that I’ve posted on ao3, which is kind of crazy. I didn’t realize how many fics that I’d posted for this fandom, but it has all been a lot of fun. Thank you to everyone who has been with me through this crazy journey and read my fics. I look forward to more of this with you all. <333
> 
> Thank you for beta-reading @wo2ash!!

**Baz**

I’m not sure how I ended up in this situation, sitting here in a small cafe, on a date with Simon Snow. Well, I know how I ended up on this date with Simon, but I’m really not sure how it turned into this, talking and actually enjoying it. I thought that it would be torture, but I find that I’m actually having fun.

I just wanted to take us away from Watford, away from all of the pressures and worries of being at that place. I wanted us to be able to have some privacy for our first date, partly because if it goes horribly, I don’t want witnesses, and partly because I just didn’t want an audience.

People are always watching Simon because he’s the Mage’s Heir, and I knew that it would only be worse if they saw the two of us on a date. They might even think that it was a trick, that I was only doing this so that I could break his heart on the end. The truth is, I’ll be the one who gets his heart broken when all of this is over.

Simon had been worried about us getting into trouble for leaving, but I told him not to worry about it. He’s the Mage’s heir, and the Families wouldn’t let the Mage get away with kicking me out. Otherwise, he probably would have done it a long time ago.

So, we took my car and just left. Usually, my father drops me off at the beginning of the year and my aunt picks me up for the holidays, but this year, I got to drive myself here. I’m still not supposed to leave school grounds without permission or whatever, but no one was around to stop us.

Simon looked over my car warily, like he was afraid it would bite him if he touched it.

“You drove here?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“How do I know that you’re a good driver? What if you get us killed?”

“I’m an excellent driver,” I sneered, rolling my eyes at him. Then, I remembered that I was supposed to be being nice to him since this was technically the beginning of the date, so I added, “I promise that I’m not going to kill you. That’s sort of the opposite of what I’m trying to achieve here, remember? I’m supposed to be taking you out on the best date of your life.”

He chewed on his lip, staying silent for a moment before he sighed and said, “I get car sick.”

It was my turn to be wary then. “You aren’t going to throw up in my car, are you?”

“No, I can handle it.” 

I wasn’t sure if he was being honest or just strong headed, but I let it go.

“We can stay here if you want,” I told him, just in case. I didn’t want him to get sick, but he shook his head.

“I’ll be fine. Let’s go.”

When we got into town, he was paler than usual and looked a little shaken up, but when I asked him if he was alright, he said he was fine, so I dropped it. Then, I told him that he could pick wherever we went.

“I don’t have any money,” he said, worrying at his lower lip and running a hand through his hair.

“It’s a good thing that this is a date then and that I plan on treating you to whatever your heart desires.”

“Oh.”

“So, what do you want to do?”

He just shrugged, which was irritating, but I didn’t mention it.

“What about lunch?”

His eyes lit up, and I should have known that food would be the way to his heart. So, I led him to this little café, and now we’re sitting here in silence again. We were talking before, but now I’m watching him eat. It’s rude to stare, but I can’t seem to draw my eyes away from him.

I knew that taking him on a date would be a bad idea, and although this seems to be going well so far, I know that it won’t last. I’ll inevitably screw it up. Or, it will go really well, and I’ll have an even bigger problem because I’ll know what it’s like to go on a date with Simon and will be ruined for anyone else.

This date isn’t even real, but it’s going to wreck me. Even if I win this competition, I’ll still lose in the end.

The argument that started this whole thing was stupid, and a part of me wishes that I had just kept my mouth shut. A different, more masochistic part is ecstatic at the prospect of two dates with Simon because that’s got to be better than nothing. Right?

He was just being so irritatingly attractive yesterday, and I decided to pick a fight, trying to channel those feelings into something productive. I just didn’t expect things to go the way that they did, and honestly, I’m not even sure how it got to that point. I was just going for something that would provoke him, and there was no way that I could have anticipated this being the result of that.

“I bet that’s why Agatha broke up with you,” I sneered as we stood across from each other, knowing that it was a low blow, but I wanted to make him hurt the way that I hurt every time I look at him and have to force myself to remember how this will all end between us. “You were probably a terrible boyfriend.” I should take solace in the fact, but it doesn’t make my feelings go away.

“How would you know? You’ve never even dated anyone as far as I know. I bet you’d make a terrible boyfriend.”

“I’d make a wonderful boyfriend,” I said defensively.

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

“Fine. I’ll take you out on a date and show you that I’d be a great boyfriend.”

“And then, I’ll take you out on a better date to show you that I’m a better boyfriend.”

“Fine, but I’m going to win.”

“Not likely.”

“Tomorrow afternoon. Lunchtime. We’re going on a date.”

It was like I was scheduling a fight instead of a date. That would have been the sane thing to do. Instead, I was planning to show him I would be a good boyfriend by dating him. It was a ridiculous idea, but neither of us tried to stop it.

“I’ll be there.”

“Good.”

I stormed out after that, needing some air and needing some time to plan what I was going to do. I couldn’t just do anything with him. If I only had one shot to take Simon on a date, I wanted to go all out, wanted it to be perfect. I wasn’t going to waste it by staying at Watford where we saw each other every day. I wanted a change of scenery.

That’s why we’re here, in a random café, eating lunch and talking. Well, not talking really because it’s difficult to carry on a conversation when he keeps shoveling food into his mouth, so I wait until his plate has been all but licked clean to try again.

“Where do you want to go next, Simon?” He looks at me wide-eyed, and I’m not sure what I’ve done to earn that look of shock on his face. “What’s wrong?”

“You called me Simon.”

“That’s your name isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but… never mind.”

“Alright. So, where to next?”

He shrugs, and I realize that this is something he does a lot, especially when he’s uncomfortable or when he has to make a choice or both. Maybe it would be better if I just made some suggestions.

“We could walk around,” I suggest. “And if you see a shop you want to go into, we can. There’s a little antique shop down the street that might be fun to look around in.”

He’s quiet for a long moment, and I worry that I’ve said the wrong thing. But then, he looks up to meet my eyes, and he’s wearing the smallest of smiles.

“That sounds alright,” he says.

***

We talk as we move down the pavement, paying no attention to the people we pass. It’s a little awkward since we’ve never really talked before. It’s always arguments and snide remarks between us, so this is something new, and we end up talking about the class that we’re supposed to be in right now.

This right here is so much better, though, and definitely worth whatever trouble we might get in for skipping.

“Have you done this before?” Simon asks.

“Done what?” I ask, stalling so that I don’t have to admit that, no, I’ve never gone on a date before.

“Skipped class and left Watford to walk around town.”

“Oh.” He wasn’t referring to dating. “Kind of. I’ve come to town once or twice with Dev and Niall, but it was on the weekend, so we didn’t have to skip class.”

“So, I’m special.”

“What?” I ask, nearly tripping over the flat ground.

He laughs a little, and the sound is like music to my ears. I straighten up and wave away the hand that he lifted to help steady me.

“What do you mean you’re special?” I ask, realizing too late how mean it sounds.

“Because you skipped class to go on a date with me.”

“Oh, it’s no big deal.” 

Except it is, and Simon is definitely special. Not only is this my first date ever, but it also happens to be with the guy who I am hopelessly in love with. There is nothing more special than that.

“Do you want to stop in here?” I ask, gesturing at the thrift shop we’re walking by, hoping that the subject will be dropped.

He nods, and I reach out to grab the door handle, holding it open for him before following him in, walking close behind him. 

The cashier greets us, and I ignore them as Simon starts up a conversation with them. I swear he could have a conversation with a doormat if he wanted. I don’t know how he manages to talk to everyone he meets, or why he would even want to.

I move into the store and begin looking around, keeping an eye on Simon and feeling a little bit jealous about the fact that he so easily slipped into a conversation with a complete stranger when we’ve barely managed to keep one going all day.

Annoyed at myself for being jealous, I turn away from them, still listening to their conversation. A couple of minutes later, I hear Simon walking up behind me.

“Hey,” he greets me.

I make a noncommittal noise and don’t look at him.

“Is something wrong?”

“Nope.”

“Come on, Baz. You’re lying.”

I sigh. “I’m fine. Sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“It doesn’t matter. Let’s look around, okay?”

“Okay,” he says with a nod, but he looks like he wants to ask more, so I turn and start walking down the aisle, knowing that he’ll follow me this time.

We explore nearly the entire store, picking up various items that pique our interest, but nothing seems worth buying. We laugh together at some of the more absurd items that sit on the shelves or hang from the walls, and I can’t believe that I’ve spent all of these years trying to make him angry when I should have been trying to make him smile and laugh. It’s so much better seeing him this way.

I’m the one following him now as we browse the shelves, paying more attention to him than any of the merchandise, which is why I see the way that his expression shifts when he picks something up.

Curious about what caused this change, I look down at his hand and see him holding a little goat figurine.

“Ebb would love this,” he says quietly.

“Do you want to buy it for her?”

He shakes his head regretfully before setting it back down on the shelf. “I don’t have any money.”

“Let me rephrase. Would you like me to buy it for you so that you can give it to her?”

He sighs, turning a glare on me. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Being nice, buying me things, spending money on me unnecessarily.”

“It’s a date. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?”

“It’s a fake date, so what’s the point?”

“I was trying to be nice.”

“Well, stop it. I don’t need your pity.”

“Pity? Is that seriously what you think this is about?”

“I don’t know what this is about!” He shouts in a whisper, trying not to attract the attention of the other patrons or the shop owner. “That’s what I’m asking you.”

“It’s not pity,” I say firmly.

“Then, what is it?”

“It’s—.” But I can’t say the words.  _ I’m in love with you, and I want to give you the world _ . “It’s nothing,” I tell him, and then I turn and walk out of the shop that no longer seems to have enough air, not caring whether he follows me.

“Baz,” I hear from behind me as I step out onto the pavement.

I keep moving, needing some space for just a moment. I need a moment to think, to stop myself from doing something stupid. I can hear him following behind me, and I let him. I’m not trying to get away from him. I just need a moment

After passing a few storefronts, I slow, allowing him to catch up with me. When I can feel his presence, his magic, just behind me, I turn to face him.

“I’m sorry.” We both say it at the same time, and I’m relieved to see the corner of his mouth quirk up instead of the anger that I was expecting from him.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I know that you were just trying to be nice. It was unexpected, and I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to react to that.”

“You could just accept it,” I suggest. “It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

“Money is a big deal to me. I don’t have anything that people don’t give me as handouts. My place at Watford was a handout. I shouldn’t be there, and it’s only because of the Mage that I am.”

“That’s not true. You’re the chosen one. Once you save us all, people will probably want to give you stuff all the time, so you might as well get used to it.”

“Is that why you’re doing it then?”

“No. That’s why I  _ don’t _ do it. I mean, I can’t let you think that you’re better than everyone else.”

I expect him to get angry again, but he surprises me by laughing.

“Why are you laughing?” I ask.

“I’m not,” he wheezes. “I mean, I am, but only because this is ridiculous. You and I are out on a  _ date _ .”

“Yeah, we are,” I say warily, still not understanding what’s so funny, but feeling the corners of my mouth start to turn up anyway.

“You don’t get it. We’re supposed to hate each other - on a normal day, we do. But today...today has been great. It’s the first time that you’ve ever said anything kind to me, and—.” The laughing slows, and he grows serious again. “And this is some of the most fun I’ve ever had, which is sad, I know, but I’ve never gotten to do anything like this before, and…”

He drifts off, but I know how that sentence ends.

“And you hate that it’s with me.”

“ _ No _ .” He shakes his head quickly. “No, that’s just it. I don’t hate that it’s you, and it’s funny and ridiculous because we could have spent the past seven years doing stuff like this, being friends.”

I want to agree with him. I want to laugh, too, but I can’t. I know the truth. He may not be able to see it, but I can. There is only one way that all of this ends.

“We couldn’t have,” I say. I’m not trying to upset him, but he has to see the truth. “We were always meant to be rivals, just like you were destined to save us all.”

“Who says?”

“The prophecy.”

“No. The prophecy only says that I’m supposed to save us all, not that we can’t be friends, but we can’t even be sure that it was about me. So, who’s to say that you and I can’t be friends?”

“I do.”

I regret it the moment that the words are out of my mouth.

His smile slowly falls from his face before his expression hardens. “Why do you get to decide?” He asks, the anger an underlayer of his tone, ready to break free.

“I don’t. This is just how it has to be. We’re on opposite sides of the war that is coming, and we don’t get a choice in the matter. When it comes down to it, we will have to fight, and there is no way that we both make it out alive. Being friends won’t change that. It will only make it worse.”

He’s still for a long moment, and I wait for the burst of magic that usually comes with his anger. There’s nothing, though. There’s no stirring of it in the air, and there’s not even a hint of the smell of smoke.

“Okay,” he says, sounding defeated, and my heart breaks for him.

He reaches out his hand, and for a moment, I’m sure that he’s going to grab my hand and pull me to him, but then he lets it fall to his side.

“Do you want to leave?” I ask quietly.

He shakes his head. “I want to go to the bookstore.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. This date doesn’t have to be all about me, and you love books.” He shrugs and looks away, refusing to meet my eyes.

I fall a little bit more in love with him, and I hate myself for what I said. But I had to. It’s the truth, and we won’t get anywhere by letting ourselves believe otherwise.

I wish it was different. I wish that we could be friends. Maybe in another life we would be, but not this one. In this one, we’re destined to meet on the battlefield, and only one of us will make it out alive.

He has no idea how much I wish that we could change things, that we could make it so that none of this has to happen. I wish that we could run away from the World of Mages and just be in love, but life doesn’t work that way.

Life is cruel. Life takes a sunny person like Simon Snow and breaks them. It isn’t fair, but life isn’t fair. It is what it is, and we just have to deal with it.

We keep our distance as we walk towards the bookshop on the other side of the street. Honestly, I saw it earlier and wanted to go in, but I didn’t think that Simon would want to, so I just kept walking, not saying anything about it. It amazes me that he knows that that’s exactly where I would want to go and that he’s taking me there.

In the shop, his eyes follow me as I browse the shelves, and if it were anyone else, it would be uncomfortable. But with Simon, it feels more like a curious gaze. I want to turn to him and smile, pretend like we didn’t just have a fight out on the pavement, but I don’t. It would be too confusing.

After a while, he trails off to look at a different section of the store, and this time, it’s my turn to watch him.

Things have calmed between us since we stepped into the shop, but maybe that’s only because we aren’t talking. I want to believe otherwise, but I know that I pushed him away too hard. There’s no coming back from that. When all of this is over, he’ll see that I was right.

***

After the bookshop, we visit a few other stores, but the sun has begun to set now. We’ll have to head back soon if we don’t want to end up locked out for the night.

“I know that you don’t like handouts, but do you want to get ice cream before we go?”

“You do know that you don’t have to spend a bunch of money on me in order to impress me, right? Just spending the day in town, walking around the shops and talking would have been fine.”

“Fine isn’t good enough,” I say. “I wanted this to be perfect.”

“Then, yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, let’s get ice cream.”

I can’t help but smile at him as a wide grin spreads across his face, and I’m reminded of one of the reasons that I fell so hard for him. He’s so happy and alive, something that I’m not, but just being this close to it is almost like actually having it. 

Simon’s mere presence can light up a room, and I envy Bunce, who gets to spend so much time in his presence without having to start an argument just to be near him.

***

The drive back to school is quiet and gives me time to think. Perhaps a little too much time because as the date winds down, I can feel the divide that still lies between me and Simon. Today was amazing, one of the best days of my life, but it’s tainted by the knowledge that none of it means anything. I try not to think about that as we get out of my car, but it’s a difficult feat.

It’s dinnertime, but neither of us move to make our way towards the dining hall. Instead, we head straight for Mummers House.

We seem to slow as we walk up the stairs to our room. I don’t want this day to end. It was perfect in so many ways and so much better than I ever could have imagined, and I’ve been imagining dating Simon for years now, so I have a lot of ideas about how it could have gone. I never thought that I would ever have this chance, and knowing that none of it was real might just be my undoing.

I slow to follow behind him as we near the top of the tower where our room is situated. I’m wondering whether I should just turn away now, make a break for it before I can hear him talk about how fake all of this was. I don’t want to face that right now - or ever. I’m beginning to hate myself a little for thinking that any of this was a good idea, and I still have to get through whatever date he has planned.

Maybe I’ll blow it off. It would mean that Simon won, but it would also mean that I wouldn’t have to sit through another date with him, knowing that it doesn’t mean anything even though it feels so real.

We reach the door to our room, and Simon turns to look at me where I hover on the top step, ready to flee at a moment’s notice.

“Well, good night,” I say, barely able to meet his eyes.

“No kiss?” He asks, and I have to meet his eyes. He looks almost serious, even though I’m almost certain that he doesn’t actually want me to kiss him. It’s more of a challenge.

And yes, I want to kiss him. Merlin, I’ve wanted to kiss him for years. But not like this. Not when it’s part of a competition.

“I don’t kiss on a first date.”

I don’t mention that I’ve never even been on a date before this or that I’ve never kissed anyone before either.

“What about the second date?”

“You’ll just have to wait and find out.” The words come out sounding calm, but my heart is racing.

“I guess this really is goodnight then.”

“I guess it is.”

“Are you coming in?”

“What? You expect me to stay the night when I won’t even kiss you?” I try to joke, but the words hurt to say.

This causes him to blush beautifully, and I almost smile at him. I should smile. It would seem friendlier and like a better end to a date, but I can’t do it. I can’t pretend like everything’s fine when I just had the most perfect first date, and it wasn’t even real. It was with a guy who despises me and who will never see me as anything other than his rival roommate.

“No, but you live here, too.”

“Yeah, but I’ve got something I’ve got to do.”

“This late?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll see you in the morning?”

“For our date?”

“No. Our date will be later in the day.”

“Hmm. Okay. Goodnight, Simon.”

Simon’s eyes widen again at the sound of his name, but he doesn’t comment on it this time.

“Night, Baz.”

I nod once before turning and finally fleeing. I try not to run as I head down to the Catacombs, both to feed and to just be alone in the dark. This date took a lot out of me, and there’s no going back to the way we were after this. I’m not sure I even want to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for beta-reading @wo2ash!! <3

**Simon**

How do I beat a date like that? It was perfect. There is no way that I’m going to be able to top that. (And I don’t know why I even care.) I should just give up. I’ll tell Baz that I quit, endure his horrible remarks, and everything can go back to normal.

It’s not like it matters what I do. He doesn’t want to be friends. This is all just a game to him, and I don’t know why I’m even competing.

I should try talking to him again.

Only, he isn’t here right now.

I roll over to face his empty bed, still made from this morning. It’s the middle of the night, and I’m starting to wonder if I should be worried by the fact that he hasn’t returned yet.

He disappeared after we returned from our date tonight. I was going to go right to bed after I showered, but I couldn’t get my mind to shut off.

That’s never really been a problem for me. I’ve always been good at being able to not think about things. I make lists of things not to think about, and it works. Or, it usually works. Maybe there are too many things that I’m trying not to think about. Because it’s not just the date.

It’s the way that he treated me like a friend, or maybe even more than a friend, for the first time since that day when we were eleven, the day that we first met. It’s the way that he fought back a smile as we sat together in that little cafe today. It’s the way that his face lit up when I suggested we go to the bookstore. It’s the way my stomach did that little flutter when I thought we were going to kiss goodnight and then the way my heart sank when he said that he didn’t want to.

I can’t explain that last part - or really any of it - which is why I wish that I could just tuck all of it away in the back of my mind.

I turn my gaze away from his bed and towards the window that I threw open in the hopes that it would help me cool down. The moon is shining in, leaving a square of light on the floor between our beds. It’s a silvery glow, almost the same color that Baz’s eyes looked like when we stepped out of the cafe and onto the pavement. We’ve never really talked before. It’s always arguing between the two of us. Except for today. Today was different.

Groaning, I pull my pillow over my face. Why can’t I stop thinking about Baz? I mean, I’ve always thought about Baz, but it’s never been like this. I’ve never taken the time to compare the color of his eyes to the moonlight.

_ So, what changed? _

***

When I wake again, the sun has risen, and Baz is tucked safely into his bed, facing away from me. I can almost pretend that I imagined staying up most of the night thinking about and waiting for him, but the proof is in the bags under my eyes and in the fact that I slept later than usual. I’m going to be late for breakfast.

I move around the room quietly, trying not to wake up Baz as I get ready for the day. This is more proof that things are changing. I’ve never cared whether I woke him up before. In fact, there have been several times where I was purposely too loud in the morning. I never cared before, but now I do. It hasn’t even been two days, and already, this competition has turned my world upside down.

By the time that I make it down to breakfast, I decide that I’m going to forget this competition. It’s for the best. Even Penny notices that something is up as I slide into my seat across from her much later than usual. She tries to ask me what’s going on, but I just shake my head and focus on trying to stay awake.

*******

I struggle to keep my eyes open all day during my classes, and I decide to tell Baz that I’m done with competition during lunch, that I forfeit. I’m not usually a quitter, but doing something that hurts me out of stubbornness is worse.

I’m all ready to tell him this, and I’ve even rehearsed what I’m going to say several times. I intercept him on his way into the dining hall, and when I open my mouth, instead of the well-rehearsed words, I hear myself telling him to meet me later.

I decide to blame it on the sleep deprivation, rather than admit that as soon as I saw him, my heart began to race in a wholly unfamiliar way, different to the way it raced when I was revved up for a fight. Sleep deprivation is more probable. I always find it hard to function correctly after a sleepless night.

“Meet me after dinner in front of the White Chapel. For our date,” I clarify.

“What if I can’t make it?”

“Do you have something better to do?”

“Perhaps.” He crosses his arms over his chest and won’t look at me. It’s just one more reminder that nothing from yesterday was real. He was only being nice to win.

A bit of something like jealousy flares up in me. Does he have another date? Something real with someone else?

“If you don’t show up, then I guess I win.” I shrug, going for nonchalance.

“I’m kidding, Snow. What could I possibly have better to do than go on a date with you?” He asks, drily, but something else lies underneath it, something I can’t quite put into words.

It’s confusing, just like the way instead of just saying that he doesn’t want to be friends, he gave other reasons why we couldn’t. Does that mean that he wishes that we could be friends? Why do things have to be like this?

“Whatever,” I say, shaking my head and turning to head into the dining hall.

Maybe I should have thought a little more about what he said, about having something else to do, because after dinner, I end up standing in front of the White Chapel, all alone and looking like a fool because he isn’t showing up. Almost everyone else has returned to their rooms, and I’m bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet, unable to stand still, waiting for a date who probably won’t show.

_ Fake date _ , I remind myself.

This is how he’s going to win. Even if he doesn’t show, he still wins. He’ll laugh at me, call me a fool for thinking that he would ever show. Even if I technically win the competition, he’ll still win. Baz always wins.

I shove my hands into my pockets and push off of the wall. I’m just about to leave, turn around and walk away, pretend like this never happened when I hear something. I look up from the point on the ground that I had been staring at, and then he’s there, standing in front of me, looking flushed and sounding short of breath, almost like he might have run here. His lips are a darker shade of pink today, and I have to wrench my eyes away from them.

He ducks his head, looking at the ground, in a bashful-like manner. “Sorry I’m late. I had something that I needed to do, and then I got caught up talking to Niall and—.”

“There’s no need to apologize,” I say, interrupting him. I fight back a smile, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why any of this makes me happy. “This isn’t a real date,” and that shouldn’t hurt to say as much as it does. “Anyway. I’m the one who’s supposed to be trying to impress you tonight.”

“So, what exactly are we doing?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?” I say with a smirk, walking away from the building, not checking to see whether he follows.

***

As I lie here on the ground, I realize that I’m going to fall asleep. I’m going to fall asleep in the middle of my date with Baz, and I’m going to lose the competition. I really can’t find it in me to care in this moment, though.

Where he went all out with his date, I decided to go with something simple but nice. It’s not like I can drive and take him out somewhere, but I wanted to do something where we weren’t cooped up inside.

My original plan was to lie out on the lawn, but since the drawbridge comes up at night, there was no way that we could do that without getting locked out for the night, which would not have bode well for my chances at winning this competition. Instead, we’re lying on the grass near the courtyard. 

It’s not as private as the lawn would have been, but everyone else is already inside for the night, so it’s just us.

The courtyard is also a special place for us. I don’t know if Baz sees it that way, but I do. It’s the place where we first met. The crucible brought us together here, and now we’ve come back of our own accord.

It’s warm and comfortable here on this blanket. We’re lying side by side, staring up at the stars. We were drinking tea and making small talk earlier, but now we’ve gotten quiet as we stare up at the stars. It isn’t much, but just spending this time with him feels like a lot.

We’re pressed up close together, really close, and I’m not sure when we moved so close to each other. Our legs and arms are lined up, and when I turn to face him, my nose nearly brushes his cheek. It’s comfortable, and I’m feeling more relaxed than I should all alone with my rival.

My sleepless night is beginning to catch up with me now. My eyes fall shut, my face still turned towards his, and shifting my arm, my fingers brush against his. I freeze, careful not to bother him more, but I feel the backs of his knuckles press more firmly against mine.

I bite back a smile, hoping he doesn’t look over and see the light blush on my cheeks. I keep my eyes closed and try to fight back sleep, but I’m pretty sure it’s a losing battle.

 

**Baz**

I’m almost certain that this was all a mistake.

I shouldn’t have agreed to go on these fake dates with Snow. What on earth was I thinking? Why did I think that I could handle something like this? Why didn’t I just back out?

Fake dating feels a lot like real dating and if this is what it’s like to date Simon Snow, I can’t even begin to imagine why Wellbelove would dump him.

I think he’s asleep now. I should be irritated that he fell asleep on our date, but he just looks so soft and peaceful like this. This isn’t the first time that I’ve ever watched him sleep. During many of my restless nights, I’ve managed to fall asleep by turning and facing him, the soothing sound of his quiet breathing lulling me to sleep.

I turn now so that I can look at him better, and my nose bumps against his, causing me to startle a little, surprised by how close he is to me. I freeze, hoping that I haven’t woken him. When he doesn’t stir, I let out a small sigh of relief.

His freckles and moles are even more beautiful up close. And his curls look even softer. My fingers itch to run through them, but it would be weird if I did that, so I hold back.

I do move my fingers, though, just the slightest, brushing my knuckles against his.

I take a moment to just drink this moment in. Once it’s over, things will go back to the way they were. We’ll be back to roommates who can’t stand to be in the same room together. I’ll go back to pretending like I’m not in love with him. And then... Then,  _ this _ will all end.

My stomach lurches at the thought, and I begin to hate myself for starting this whole thing. It might actually kill me to stop.

“Why are you watching me?”

I startle when he speaks. His eyes are still shut. I wonder how long he’s been awake.

“I’m not,” I say, a blatant lie.

He laughs, surprising me once again. My stomach fills with butterflies, and all I can think about is leaning forward to kiss him.

I can’t keep doing this. This is tortuous. Luckily, it will be over soon.

“We should go,” I say suddenly, turning my face away from him.

I fight the urge to see what his face looks like as I feel him sit up beside me.

“Oh. Okay,” he says. “Yeah, um, sure. Let’s go.”

I tell myself that I imagine the disappointment in his voice; he’s just tired. I tell myself that there is no way that he cares. I tell myself that there is no way that he actually wants to spend more time with me.

I continue to avoid looking at him as I stand, picking up the blanket and holding it out in his general direction.

 

**Simon**

I’m not sure what I did, but somehow, I messed things up with Baz. He won’t even look at me as we climb the stairs in Mummers House up to our room.

I want to reach out and take his hand, but his arms are crossed tightly over his chest like he’s holding himself, and he keeps his gaze trained straight ahead.

We reach the door to our room, and we both stop just outside of it turning to face each other. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything.

After a long, quiet moment, he drops his arms to his sides and takes a step toward me. I follow suit and take a step forward, too, so that there is almost no space left between us. I tilt my head up so that I can keep eye contact with him, and this brings our faces closer together, our mouths just a breath apart. We’re as close as we were on the grass a few minutes ago when he thought that I was asleep.

My breath catches in my throat, and my heart is threatening to beat out of my chest. I don’t understand my reaction. It’s a new thing, especially with Baz looking at me like that; his brows drawn low over dark eyes, and a light frown, not quite a sneer. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

 

**Baz**

I should not be seriously considering letting Simon kiss me. It would be a mistake. 

It’s unbelievable how much I yearn for it to happen, though, and this situation feels unfair. He’s looking at me like that, a question in his eyes as we move closer to each other, and all I want to do is answer him. I want to say yes and deal with the consequences later.

But I’m smarter than this. I know that if I let him kiss me, I’ll hate myself for it. It doesn’t mean anything to him, and that is what hurts more than anything. I have to do what is best for me.

 

**Simon**

I want to lean forward and close the distance between us. I want..I want to kiss Baz.

I don’t think that I’ve ever wanted to kiss anyone as much as I want to kiss Baz right now.

I’m about to do it. I’m about to give into this strange urge. It’s like a string tugging me forward, and I don’t understand why it’s happening. All I know is that I want to give into it and allow it to pull me to him.

My eyes begin to flutter shut, and I lean imperceptibly closer. I feel his hands come to grip my hips, so I lean forward even more, my lips almost brushing his. Before I can close the distance completely, his hands tighten into an almost painful grip, stopping me.

“I don’t kiss on the second date either,” he murmurs.

Then, I’m being gently pushed away, and he’s taking a step back.

I’m almost too stunned to respond. “W-What?”

“Sorry,” he says, and I almost believe that he really is sorry. “It’s a rule of mine.”

I honestly can’t tell if he’s being serious or if he just really doesn’t want to kiss me. Why would he? I don’t even understand why  _ I _ want to kiss  _ him _ .

Sighing inwardly, I nod once, taking a step back and giving him more space.

“When  _ do _ you kiss then?” And why do I care? We’re done, right?

This is it. Our second and last date. There won’t be anymore dates to find out when he might have kissed me.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He asks, smirking almost playfully.

_ Yes _ . I don’t say it aloud. Instead, I say, “Who won?”

“What?” He asks, and I’m glad that I’m not the only one who seems unsettled by all of this.

“The competition. Who won?”

He hesitates, almost imperceptibly, before saying, “Obviously, I did.”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“I didn’t hear you complaining yesterday.” I swear he’s still being playful, almost flirtatious, but that’s crazy. Of course, he isn’t flirting with me. The competition is over.

“And you weren’t complaining today,” I retort. He was acting weird on the way back, though.

“Well—.”

“Let’s go on another date,” I say, interrupting him before he can say something that will put an end to all of this

“Why?”

“One more,” I tell him. “To break the tie. To see if we can top each other.” Fuck. I didn’t mean for it to sound like that.

Thankfully, he doesn’t say anything about it, even though he does react, his eyes widening and the sound of his breathing changing.

“Wouldn’t it be two more dates?” He asks. “One more each.”

“I guess.” I shrug. What’s one more date? What’s one more day of acting civil with Baz before we go back to trying to kill each other, one more day of this weird fluttering in my stomach?

It’s nothing. So, why does it feel like so much?

 

**Baz**

“How do we know who wins?” Simon asks. “We should probably figure that out.”

We’re still standing outside of our room, but neither of us has made a move to change that. It took everything in me to push him away before our lips met, and now, I just want to go to bed.

“Easy, whoever makes the other enjoy themselves the most.”

“No, it’s too easy for you to lie and say you didn’t have fun.”

“Why do you think I’m the one who’d lie? You’re the one who hates me.”

“You say that like you don’t hate me, too.”

“Maybe I don’t,” I say quietly.

“What?”

“Nothing. Let’s just figure this out so that I can prove to you that I’m the better boyfriend.”

Simon looks like he is about to argue it but simply nods instead.

“We can figure out a way to honestly calculate it, based on what happened on the date, how much fun we had, and how much we didn’t want it to end - or if we did. After both of the dates are finished, we’ll figure this out.”

“So, we’ll be waiting until it’s over to decide?” He asks, sounding a little doubtful.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. When do you want to do the second round of dates? Next week?”

“What about tomorrow?” I say, hoping it seems like I want to get this over as soon as possible instead of like I don’t want to have to wait too long before we can go out again.

He looks a little surprised, but he says, “Sounds good.”

“Okay. So, I’ll see you tomorrow for our date.”

“Alright. Goodnight, Baz.”

“Night, Simon.”

We continue standing there awkwardly, neither of us moving to walk away or open the door.

“You in for the night?” He asks.

“Yeah.”

“Good.” He sounds strangely relieved, nodding once before turning towards the door.

It feels weird to be heading into our room together after that, acting like none of it just happened, like we didn’t almost kiss. I try not to think about it, though, as I quickly change and get into bed. A part of me wishes that I could just forget it, but I find myself replaying every second of the night as I drift off to sleep.

**Simon**

The next morning, I wake up feeling much more rested than I did the day before. I actually got some sleep, but there was still something bothering me and keeping me from resting peacefully.

My mind is on Baz and our date last night as I get dressed for the day. I mostly can’t stop thinking about that almost kiss because it seemed like he really was about to kiss me. I wasn’t the only one who moved to close the distance between us, so why is it that he changed his mind?

I know that I shouldn’t care, and I don’t. I’m just trying to understand Baz. I’m trying to figure out how he can be so nice to me when he wants to be even though he hates me. He would be a fantastic actor with skills like that.

There’s also what he said when we were in town. If he believes that we’ll never be anything more than rivals, then what is the point in all of this? Why are we wasting our time on some stupid competition and going on dates when nothing good can come from it.

I’ll never admit it to anyone, but it felt like something broke inside of me when he said that we could never be friends. I know that it seems stupid and childish, but even after just a few hours with him, I knew that we were meant to be more than this. Friends or something - I’m not really sure - but definitely more than this.

There was too much chemistry between us for us to only be people who hate each other, or pretend to anyway. And I know that Baz is only pretending to hate me because I saw something in him yesterday, some real life, as he let that cold mask slip and showed me who he really was.

I just don’t get why he hides that part of him from me. I know that there’s a war coming, but maybe if we worked together, we could find a way to keep it from getting to that point. It would take more than just the two of us, but surely there is a way for this to all go without it turning into a fight. I just need to figure out how.

I step out of the en suite and back into our room, and I’m about to grab my stuff and go when I see something out of place sitting on top of my desk. I pick it up to get a better look, and my breath catches in my throat when I realize what it is.

It’s the little goat figurine that I saw at the thrift shop the other day, the one that I wouldn’t let Baz buy for me. I glance over at him, but he’s still sound asleep. When did he put this here?

I didn’t see it last night in my exhaustion, but it’s definitely from Baz because no one else knows that I wanted it. I can’t believe that he went back and got it for me.

I wonder when he had time to leave and drive back. Did he have to skip class? Or did he go at a different time?

_ Oh _ , I think as it dawns on me. He was late to our date last night, and I don’t remember seeing him at dinner. He must have left after afternoon classes yesterday to go to the shop, and that’s why he was late.

I feel something warm build in my chest, and I hug the little figurine closer to me for a moment. I shouldn’t be having this reaction, but it is such a kind gesture.

I know that I said it would be nice to give it to Ebb, but I don’t think that I can let this go now, not knowing that Baz went back for it, even after we fought over it.

I can’t be sure exactly why he went back, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that he did it for me. 

I know that there’s more to Baz than what he shows me, but I wasn’t expecting this. And I definitely wasn’t expecting to begin liking who he is. He is so much kinder than he has ever shown me before.

I carefully put the little figurine away in my desk drawer and head to breakfast with a smile on my face, wondering what it means. I could confront Baz about it, but I don’t want to say anything until I know that it wasn’t just a way to win him points for our competition.

I want it to mean more than that, but he made it very clear that there can’t be anything more between us. It will only ever be this rivalry.

“You seem distracted,” Penny says as I sit across from her at breakfast.

I want to tell her about the figurine and ask her what she thinks it means, but then I would have to tell her about everything else.

“I’m just tired,” I say with a shrug, picking at my food.

“I went to your room last night, but you weren’t there.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

“And the day before you were practically a missing person. You weren’t in class, and I didn’t see you all afternoon. Where have you been?”

“With Baz.” 

I don’t know why I tell her the truth, and when I see her reaction, I realize that I definitely shouldn’t have done that. I blame it on the lack of sleep from the night before. I’m not thinking clearly. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have told her that.

“Why were you with him?”

“We—. I—. I mean—. We were just—.” I start and stop a bunch of sentences, not sure what to tell her. I could just tell her the truth. It would be easier than keeping secrets from my best friend.

“Take a breath, Simon. Tell me what happened.”

“We were on a date.” I blurt out quickly.

“A date?!” She nearly shouts.

“Yeah, but it was just…” I trail off when I realize that Penny is laughing.

“That’s really good, Simon. I almost believed you.”

“I was serious.”

“Come on, Simon.”

“Why don’t you believe me?” I ask, feeling a little offended that she would think that I would joke about this.

“Because you two hate each other. All you ever do is fight.”

I shrug. “Not anymore.”

“Then, why didn’t I know until now?”

“It’s a new thing, and we were keeping it a secret,” I explain, and Penny makes a face. “You still don’t believe me.”

“I mean, can you blame me? He probably did something to you.”

Now who thinks he’s plotting?

“I’ll prove it to you.” I don’t know why, but I feel like I need to defend Baz. And our fake relationship.

_ Why don’t I just tell her the truth? _

I get up from the table, and ignoring her attempts to stop me, I walk across the dining hall and over to Baz’s table.

“What are you doing?” Baz asks when I slide in next to him, setting my plate down.

Dev and Niall raise their eyebrows at us, but I ignore them.

“Penny knows,” I murmur.

“Knows what?”

“She knows that we—.” I cut myself off. With a glance across the table at his friends, I shake my head.

Baz studies my face for a moment with a frown before he turns back toward his friends.

“Can you guys give us a moment alone please?”

“Are you sure?” Niall asks, eyeing me warily.

“Yeah. I just need to talk to him about something.”

They both look like they’re about to protest, but Baz stops them with a quelling look that sends shivers down my spine.

“Just one moment.”

“Fine,” Dev says, not looking happy about it.

“But we’ll be right over there if you need us.”

Baz nods, and his friends stand up and move their food to the next table over, just barely out of earshot.

“What exactly does she know?” Baz asks, looking in my general direction but not actually look at me.

“That we’re dating.”

“But we aren’t dating.”

“Right. I mean, she knows that we’re going on dates.”

“And you let her think that we’re dating?”

I shrug helplessly.

“I’ll tell her it was nothing when this is all over.”

“But you’re going to let her keep thinking we’re dating?” Now, he meets my eyes, like he’s trying to read my expression.

“Unless you have any objections.”

“Not at all.”

“Good.”

He looks at me expectantly but I don’t move.

“Are you staying with me for breakfast then?” He asks.

“I thought we could use the opportunity to talk about your plan for our next date.”

“That is a secret.”

“You won’t even give me a hint?”

“Nope.”

“Come on,” I plead, bumping his shoulder with mine playfully and forgetting for a brief moment that we aren’t friends.

“It involves food,” he says, giving in sooner than expected.

“Are we going to get lunch together?” I ask.

“No, it won’t be until after classes over, but you’ll have to wait until later to find out the rest,” he adds when I open my mouth to ask him more.

“Okay. So, should I meet you here or…?”

“I’ll be waiting for you outside your class.”

“Oh. Okay.”

We eat in silence after that, thighs pressed together and arms occasionally brushing. It’s not unpleasant just sitting here with him. It’s nice, comfortable, and altogether strange because it’s  _ Baz _ . I’m not supposed to like being around Baz. I’m supposed to hate him, so why can’t I find that disdain that I used to feel for him? And when did hope take its place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!! <3 I'll be updating every other day!
> 
> If you want to come talk about the fic or anything else, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://angelsfalling16.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @wo2ash for beta-reading!! <3

**Baz**

Simon is still in bed when I get up, which is unusual by itself, but then there’s also the fact that he’s curled up tightly in his blankets with only his head poking out, as if he’s freezing. He never gets cold, and he usually ends up kicking his covers off during the night, so it’s weird to see him like this.

He looks as though he is still asleep, so I decide not to bother him by asking. Maybe he’s just tired and needs more sleep. He’ll get up soon. Still, just in case, I close the windows in our room, shutting out the brisk air that has been blowing in.

With one last curious look in his direction, I grab some clothes and head into the en suite to shower and get ready for class, thinking about last night’s date the entire time.

It was our third date, and even though it predictably ended in yet another fight, it was still a really nice date up until that point.

I decided to go simple last night since Simon said that I didn’t need to spend money on him to woo him during our first date. I still put quite a bit of effort into the date, making all of the food for the little picnic that we had myself.

That almost didn’t happen because, even though she is my cousin, Cook Pritchard was still a little wary about letting me into her kitchen. She wanted to know what exactly I was doing, and why I needed to cook food that was different from what she was already making. Finally, after she threatened to kick me out of the kitchen, I had to tell her that I was doing it for someone special.

I didn’t offer up any more details than that, and I was relieved when she didn’t press for more information. She gave me a little space to work while she and the others prepared for dinner, and even though I could feel her keeping an eye on me, she left me to work on my own.

Simon doesn’t know that I made all of the food myself, and he never will. He doesn’t need to know how much effort that I’ve been putting into these dates because then he might find out how I feel about him.

As I dress for the day, it’s the end of the date that really sticks out to me. After our first two dates, Simon tried to kiss me, but last night, he didn’t even stop outside of our room. It might have been because he was soaked through from the storm that caught us by surprise or because he was just respecting my wishes, but I’m more inclined to believe that he no longer wanted to. 

Not that I believe he actually wanted to kiss me before. I just think something changed to make him definitely not want to anymore.

When I step back out into our room, Simon is in the same position he was before, curled up tightly in his blankets, and I begin to worry. Simon never sleeps this late. He’s usually up and at breakfast way before anyone else. I don’t understand his need to be there so early. It’s strange, but him not being up right now is stranger.

After a long moment of consideration, I move to stand next to his sleeping form.

“Snow,” I say quietly, but he doesn’t stir, so I reach out to shake his shoulder lightly, trying to wake him. “Snow, wake up.”

“Mmm,” he groans, rolling over but keeping his eyes shut.

“Are you alright, Snow?” I ask, leaning over him.

A droplet of water drips down from my still damp hair and lands on his cheek. I reach out to wipe it away, and the heat from his face nearly burns my cold hand.

“Crowley, you’re hot, Snow.” I freeze as my brain registers what I just said, and I’m glad that there isn’t enough blood in me to show in my face, or I might end up looking just as sick as Simon does. “I mean…” I clear my throat awkwardly, but I don’t think he even noticed. “Your face is really warm. I think that you have a fever.”

“I don’t feel well,” he whispers. “I think I’m sick.”

“I think you’re right. You should probably stay in bed today.”

He groans again, finally opening his eyes.

“I’m fine. I can go to class.”

“No, you’re not.”

As if proving me right, he falls into a terrible coughing fit that lasts far too long.

“Do you think it was the rain?” He asks.

It takes me a moment to figure out what he means, but when I do, I realize that he might be right. And I feel terrible.

“Oh, this is my fault. I’m sorry.”

“You can’t predict the weather, Baz. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I should have insisted that we go inside.”

He shakes his head. “I was being stubborn. I wanted to stay out there. How come you aren’t sick?”

“I don’t get sick,” I say, and when he looks at me questioningly, I shake my head. I can’t bring myself to say aloud that it’s because I’m a vampire. “I guess this means you won.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The competition. There’s no way I win after getting you sick.”

“I didn’t even get a chance to take you out on a second date. Besides, I had fun yesterday. It’s not like you purposely got me sick.”

“So, you still want to go on a date with me?”

“Of course.”

He smiles weakly at me, and in any other context, this conversation would have me smiling back at him. As it is, the hopeful look in his eyes hurts me just a bit, knowing that he doesn’t mean it the way that I want him to. He’s just worried about winning this competition.

“You should stay in bed today,” I say, deciding to change the subject. “I’ll come and check on you when I can, and I’ll bring you something to eat later.”

“You don’t have to do that. I can take care of myself.”

“I know, but you won’t get any better unless you stay in bed. Plus, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t insist on taking care of you.”

“A terrible one,” he says, smirking at me, but it’s still weak. He really does look awful. “But right now, you look like a concerned one, so you’re doing a great job.” He laughs then, but it quickly turns into another coughing fit.

“Rest,” I say firmly, stepping away from his bed.

“You’ll come back?” He asks, sounding like he’s about to fall asleep.

“Yes. Just stay in bed.”

***

I spend the day sitting in class worried about Simon, and when I’m not in class, I’m trying to rush back up to our room to check on him. This causes me to be late to several of them, and Dev and Niall have noticed that’s something up. I think Bunce has, too, because when I step into the dining hall to grab some food for Simon, I can feel her watching me. I try to avoid her gaze, even though it might be for the best if I told her what was going on. She’s probably begun to wonder where he is by this point.

I choose to avoid her, though, grabbing some food and leaving as quickly as possible.

When I enter our room, Simon is sitting up in bed, looking marginally better than he did this morning.

“I brought you something to eat,” I tell him

“Great, I’m starving.”

I give him a small smile as I hand him the food that I brought him before sitting on the edge of my own bed to rest for a moment.

“Are you just going to watch me eat?”

“Just making sure you don’t need anything else. And I still have a while before my next class.”

We don’t talk much as he eats, but when he’s finished, I move closer to him again, clearing away his plate and just sort of hovering, not wanting to leave yet but not knowing what else there is for me to do. 

He watches me quietly as I stand beside his bed. One of his curls has fallen into his face, and I can’t help myself. I reach out and push the strand of hair away from his face. It’s softer than expected, and I find myself combing my fingers through his hair without even thinking about it.

“Mm,” he hums, his eyes falling shut as he pushes his head into my hand.

He looks adorable.

“You look like a dog,” I say.

“You said I was hot earlier.”

I feel my face heating up as he brings up what I let slip out earlier.

“No, that’s not—.” I cut myself off, deciding to drop it. “I was referring to the way you reacted to my hand in your hair.”

He shrugs unapologetically. “It feels nice.”

I let my hand slide from his hair down to his cheek for a just a moment before I pull it away, but he reaches out to pull it back.

“Keep your hand there. It feels nice against my skin.”

“I have to go to class.”

“Can’t you skip it?” He murmurs.

“No. But there are only a few left, and then I’ll be back, okay?”

He pouts for a moment, and I desperately wish that I could stay. But that probably wouldn’t be smart.

“Fine,” he says with a sigh. “See you later.”

“Take a nap. I’ll be back with more food in a few hours.”

“Mm. I could get used to you feeding me.”

“Well, don’t. It won’t last.” I mean for it to come out as a joke, but the weight of how true it is settles around us. I wish that I could take it back, but it’s already out there.

“Get some rest. Feel better.” I say, backing away from the bed.

He nods but doesn’t look at me, and I know that I’ve messed things up. I reluctantly leave, not wanting to drag it out anymore but wishing that I could stay and fix things.

I’m not sure if there’s anything to fix, though. We aren’t friends, and we never will be, no matter how much it hurts to admit that after everything.

 

**Simon**

Baz brings me lunch before leaving me alone again, but after spending all morning and most of the afternoon sleeping, I’m tired of it. I want to get out of this room and go do something, but I’m still not feeling well enough, so I stay in bed.

To keep my mind occupied, I let myself relive last night’s date. Everything was going great until it started raining. 

Once again, Baz managed to take me on a date that was way better than anything that I could have planned. The only time it went south was when I tried to suggest that we be friends. I thought that he could at least entertain the idea, but he refused.

“Do you really think that there’s no way that we could be friends?” I asked him as we walked around the fields, near the edge of the woods. 

We had finished eating at that point and just seemed to be killing time with each other before it got too late to be out here. The first rumble of thunder of the night happened then, but I didn’t have any idea of the storm that was coming.

“Yes.”

“Why not?”

“This is our last year. Why does it matter?”

“That’s _exactly_ why it matters. We only have a little bit of time left to fix things between us. You have to admit that we’re really good together. On these dates, we’ve been like friends, so why can’t we do it more often?” It was beginning to feel like I was pleading with him, but he didn’t seem affected in the slightest. He just went on showing no emotion.

“None of it’s real.” He said it like he believed, but the look in his eyes belied his words.

“No. You don’t get to say that. This is real. It’s more real than I care to admit, and—.”

I cut myself off, unable to finish that sentence. I couldn’t tell him that a part of me wishes that this was all real. I don’t want to be just friends. I want to be more, but if he can’t even accept my offer of friendship, why would he agree to something more than that?

“And what?” He asked when I didn’t say anything, but I shook my head.

“The dating may be fake, but the rest of it is real. The easy friendliness between us can’t be faked.”

“Okay,” he relented, “but it can’t grow.”

“Why not?”

“I already told you.”

“Because of some fight that may or may not come?”

“Yes.”

“That’s a horrible reason. They can’t make us fight. We can find a way to work together and refuse them.”

“Do you honestly think that would work?” He asked, looking at me like I was crazy to think so.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” I shrugged. “Isn’t it at least worth trying so that we can be friends?”

“What if I just don’t want to be friends with you?”

I jerked back as if he had hit me. His words burned their way through me, straight to my heart. It was probably exactly what he was going for. I didn’t want to believe him, but if he keeps saying that, I won’t have any other choice. Maybe I was wrong to believe that we could get past our animosity towards each other.

“Is that the truth?” I asked quietly, staring at the ground instead of him.

“I… No.” He was quiet for a moment. “It’s simply too dangerous for us to be friends.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It is. I’m sorry, but I just don’t see a way that we can be friends.”

“Fine,” I growled. Then, I turned away from him, picking up my pace as I walked farther away from Baz and the gates.

There was another crack of thunder then, closer this time. It was definitely going to rain soon. I knew that we needed to get back to the school before it began, but I just needed a minute to cool off. The rain began not long after that.

When Baz suggested that we head inside a minute later, I should have listened to him, but I was angry, so I told him to just go in without me if he wanted. Of course, he didn’t do what I said and stayed out there with me, following a couple of feet behind, giving me space but not leaving me.

The little bit of rain that it began as quickly turned into more, and we both got soaked within seconds. We ran back to Mummers House together, and I wanted to stop outside the door and see if the third date was when he would have let me kiss him, but I didn’t want to pressure him to do something that he didn’t want to, so I just opened the door and stepped inside our room.

Now, I’m sick, and he’s treating me incredibly kindly, even after our fight last night. It’s so confusing when he acts concerned, but as soon as I mention it or suggest we continue it, he turns cold and removed again.

I just wish that I knew what he was thinking so that I could find a way to get through to him. Surely, he doesn’t honestly want to continue this feud between us. What would be the point? In a year, we’ll probably never see each other again, whether there’s a fight or not. Why can’t we spend this last bit of time making each other happy instead of trying to push each other’s buttons?

 

**Baz**

The incident from this afternoon seems to have been all but forgotten when I return to the room that evening. I didn’t try to race back up here between any of my classes after lunch because I didn’t want to get into any more trouble for being late, but this meant that I was distracted, worrying about Simon and worrying about how this is all going to end so soon.

After he gets better, we’ll have one more date, and then things will go back to the way they were. We won’t talk, and we’ll fight. And my heart will break.

I brought more supplies with me this time, and I silently begin pulling things out of my bag and setting them on the table next to his bed. When I’m done, I tentatively reach out to feel his forehead. Even though, he looks better, he’s still burning up.

“I’ll be right back,” I tell him, and he simply nods, barely sparing a glance in my direction.

I head into the bathroom and wet a cloth with cold water, squeezing some water out so that it doesn’t drip everywhere. I fold it up as I walk back to him before pressing it to his forehead, eliciting a sigh from him.

“That feels nice,” he murmurs. “Thank you.”

I nod at him, distractedly. I know that I could leave the cloth there and back away, but I linger instead, perching on the edge of his bed and leave my hand where it is, with the pretense of holding the cloth.

Somehow, my hand finds its way back to his hair like a magnet. If he asks, I’ll say it’s because it soothes him, but really, I like it, too. The way that my fingers slide through the soft curls, like they’re gliding through sunlight. The way that he leans into my touch instead of recoiling from it. The way that he seems to trust me.

“Not that I’m complaining,” Simon says, sounding sleepy, “but you know you don’t have to sit with me, right?”

“I’m taking care of you.”

“Why do you care so much?” He asks. “You could just let me die.”

“You’re not dying.”

“And you didn’t answer my question.”

“I don’t want you to die.”

“Right,” he scoffs. “That’s why you’ve been trying to kill me all these years.”

“If I wanted you dead, you’d be dead.”

“Penny says that. I didn’t believe her, though, because you’re you.”

“What does that mean?” I ask curiously, wondering whether I should be offended.

He shakes his head. “It’s like you said, we’re meant to fight.”

“Snow…”

“No, I get it. I don’t like it, but if that’s how you want it to be, fine.”

“I don’t want that. I want—.” _I want you_ , I should say. I should just tell him. What’s the worst that can happen? “Simon, I want…” I begin, but I can’t say it. He’s sitting there looking at me with those ordinary blue eyes, looking at me like I have all the answers, but I can’t give them to him. It would ruin everything. Taking a deep breath, I say, “I don’t want to fight,” his eyes widen slightly, “but we have to. But for now, this is nice what we have going between us. Not the dates. I mean, those are really nice, but -” but I’m an idiot, who can’t string words together when you look at me like that - “I want something different. More than just fighting.”

“We aren’t even friends,” he says, but the corner of his mouth twitches like he’s trying not to smile.

“We could be.”

"You said we couldn't. On our first date, you said—."

"I know what I said, but maybe I was wrong." I pause before saying, a little quieter, "I want to be wrong.”

He opens his mouth to respond, and I’m afraid of what he’ll say. He could say no. He could say that I was right, that we’re only supposed to fight, throw my words back at me, but there’s a knock at the door, stopping him from responding.

I wait to see if he’ll talk anyway, but he seals his lips tightly together and turns his face away from me, so I start to move to get off of his bed but get immediately pulled back. I look at him curiously, but he still isn’t looking at me. I should attempt to pull away again, but his hand on my arm is warm, and I really don’t want to move.

“Come in,” I call, hoping that Simon and I on his bed like this doesn’t look as bad I think it does.

The door opens to reveal Bunce, and I have the urge to jump up off of Simon’s bed, but I don’t think he’d let me go. My face warms as her eyes rove over the two of us. I fed before I came back up here tonight so that I wouldn’t have to leave Simon again, but I’m beginning to regret that.

I should be wondering how Bunce managed to get up here, but instead, I’m wondering what she’ll say.

“Oh, sorry,” she says, as if she’s just walked in on a private moment. “I just wanted to come and check on Simon since I haven’t seen him all day.”

“I’m sick,” he croaks from beside me. As if trying to show that he’s not lying, he starts up a coughing fit, which I’m pretty sure starts out fake but quickly turns real. I silently hand him one of the water bottles that I brought up with me, and he smiles gratefully at me, causing my heart to do a little flip.

“I can see that,” Penny says, stepping further into the room but stopping before she reaches the end of the bed. “Are you alright? Do you need anything?”

“I’m fine. Baz is taking good care of me.”

“That’s good,” she says, and I can’t quite read her tone to see if she really means it.

I avoid meeting either of their eyes and continue combing my fingers through Simon’s hair as they talk, more for something to do than anything else.

We’re all silent, and I shift uncomfortably beside Simon, wishing that I could walk away from this situation.

“I suppose I’ll go then,” Bunce says finally. “Feel better, Simon.”

“Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She nods once before turning and walking out of the room. I let out a deep breath, relaxing against Simon’s side without even thinking about it. When I realize what I’ve done, I quickly move away, giving him some space.

“Would you like me to run you a bath?”

He shakes his head. “Too tired.”

“I thought you were bored.”

“A bath isn’t entertaining. Well, it might be if you were there.” He seems to realize what exactly it was he said, and his eyes grow comically wide. “Th-that’s not what I meant. I just meant it would be lonely without you there. No, not lonely. Just—.”

“Shh,” I shush him, trying not to laugh. “You’re tired.”

“You’ll forget everything I just said, right?”

“Not likely. But don’t worry, I’ll wait until you’re better before I start teasing you about it.”

His face is turning bright red, more from the blush now than the fever. He’s cute when he gets all flustered like this, and as he closes his eyes, I allow myself to smile fully down at him.

 

**Simon**

Once Penny is gone, I let my eyes fall shut again and enjoy the feeling of Baz at my side and his fingers in my hair. I never thought that having someone basically pet me would be something that I like, but it feels wonderful.

“Mmm, this is nice.”

“Like a dog,” he laughs, but I notice that he doesn’t remove his fingers from my hair.

“I wasn’t just talking about your hand in my hair,” I say, trying and failing not to smile at him.

“Then, what did you mean?”

I open my mouth to speak and end up coughing again instead. “Could you get me some water?” I croak, my throat burning.

His hand leaves my hair, and I frown. But a moment later, he’s holding a water bottle in front of my face again.

“You really came prepared, didn’t you?”

“Drink, Snow,” he urges, ignoring my question and waving the bottle in front of my face.

“Thanks.”

I unscrew the cap and take several long swallows until the burning in my throat turns into a dull ache. When I’ve got the cap back on, he takes the bottle from me, but his fingers still don’t return to my hair. I try not to let my disappointment show, but I’m not sure whether I’m successful.

“So what did you mean, Snow?”

“About?”

He sighs, sounding a little annoyed. “When you said that this was nice.”

“Oh.” I feel my face flush. “Just that I like this.”

“Okay.”

We’re quiet for a moment before he stands up and starts to move away.

“Where are you going?” I ask.

“It’s getting late. I thought you might want to get some rest.”

“Won’t you stay a while?”

“I’ll just be over here in my own bed.”

“I meant stay next to me, in my bed.”

“Uh… There really isn’t much room.”

“I’ll make room.”

“No, you don’t have to—.”

But it’s too late. I’m already scooting over and making room for him. I pat the empty space next to me and say, “Come sit.”

He eyes the bed warily. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I say with zero hesitation.

“Okay,” he sighs. “Just, let me change into something more comfortable.”

I nod, and he grabs some clothes before disappearing into the en suite.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @wo2ash for beta-reading!!

**Baz**

When I step back out into our room after changing out of my Watford uniform, Simon is still lying on one side of the bed, but his eyes are shut now. Maybe he’s asleep. I feel a little disappointed but also relieved that I won’t have to share that small space with him.

I move over to my own bed, ready to crawl into it and go to sleep when I hear Simon’s voice.

“What are you doing?”

I swallow guiltily, like I’ve been caught doing something that I wasn’t supposed to, even though all I was doing was getting into bed. I turn to him, feeling strangely bashful, to find him sitting up in bed and rubbing his eyes.

“I thought you were asleep,” I say quietly.

“Just resting my eyes,” he says, but the yawn that follows makes me doubtful of that. He must have been fighting to stay awake until I returned, which makes me stupidly happy as the butterflies move around in my stomach.

I hesitate for a moment longer before going and lying next to him on top of the covers. It’s a little chilly, but it’s safer this way. Plus, I don’t plan on staying here for long. I’ll just wait until he falls asleep, then I’ll return to the safety of my own bed. Simon seems to have other plans, though.

“Why don’t you get under the blanket?” He asks.

“I don’t want to.”

“Aren’t you cold?”

“No.”

“Liar. You’re always cold.”

“I’m fine.”

“Come on, Baz.” And how can I say no when he looks at me like that?

So, I slip under the covers, and warmth washes over me, like the feeling of the sun finally breaking through the clouds on a cold day. I can’t suppress the shiver that runs through my body.

“Told you,” Simon murmurs smugly.

“Shut up,” I say, but there’s no malice in my voice

He just laughs before getting quiet again.

We lie side by side on his small bed with just the slightest bit of space between us, barely managing not to touch. It’s similar to the way we lay that night under the stars, but it’s more intimate like this.

I can feel the heat radiating off of him, and I fight the urge to move closer and press my arm to his.

He stays quiet for a long while, and I’ve begun to think that he fell asleep when he speaks.

“This,” he says so quietly that it just sounds like an exhalation of air, and I almost miss it.

“Hm?”

“This is what’s nice. Just being here with you.”

“It won’t last.” There’s a tug in my heart as I say it, but it’s the truth.

“It could. We could choose not to fight.”

“It wouldn’t work.” I wish it would.

I wait for him to respond, telling me that I’m wrong or bringing up the conversation we were having before Penny showed up, but he doesn’t say anything. I turn to look at him, and his eyes are shut.

He looks peaceful, like he’s just moments away from sleep, and I listen as his breathing slows, surprised that he’s falling asleep so easily with me lying here beside him. I brush my fingers through his hair once more

“It’s okay, little puff,” I whisper as he drifts off to sleep.

I should get up and move to my own bed now, but it’s warm here, warmer than it ever is in my own bed, so I decide to stay a little longer. And maybe I’ll just let my eyes rest for a moment as Simon moves in his sleep, coming to rest his head on my shoulder. I don’t want to disturb him after all.

I’ll wait until I’m sure that he’s deep asleep, and then I’ll head back to my bed. That is what I tell myself, but it’s too comfortable here, and I begin to see why Simon drifted off to sleep so easily. I fight to open my eyes, trying to fight off sleep, but it wins, and I fall asleep in Simon’s bed.

***

I wake before Simon in the morning, which is still strange and probably a testament to how sick he is.

There’s a moment where, as I reach up to push my hair out of my face and blink myself awake, I forget where I am. Then, I realize that I’m warm, warmer than I’ve ever gotten with the pile of blankets that I sleep with, and there’s a strange weight on top of one of my arms. I go to move it, and the thing that’s weighing it down moves, too, sliding closer to me.

That’s the moment that I remember everything. It all comes rushing back to me as I recognize the smoky scent, strong as it envelops me, and the strange warmth, emanating from his body pressed against mine, and the arm slung across my waist, holding me down.

I want to stay here forever. I want to pull him closer and go back to sleep, just pretend for a little while that this is something that I could have. I can’t do that, though. I have to get up and go to class.

I start to pull my arm out from under Simon, but his grip on me tightens.

“Simon…”

“Don’t go,” he says, burying his face into my shoulder, and my stomach does a flip. I want to stay.

“I have to go to class.”

“Oh, me, too,” he groans, but he doesn’t move.

“You’re sick,” I remind him, moving my hand that isn’t wrapped around him to settle in his hair.

It’s like a magnet, his hair. I can’t stay away, and I can’t stop touching it. It’s like I have no control anymore.

“I can still go,” he says, starting to get up. He only manages to push himself up enough so that his face is hovering above mine. My hand that was still in his hair slides down to cup his cheek, and my heart picks up pace.

“Just rest. Get better. Stay in bed.” I can only manage a couple of words at a time.

“Stay with me?” He asks, one of his hands coming to rest on my chest to hold himself up.

“I can’t.” I tell him, even though all I want to do is say yes. And kiss him. Crowley, his lips are right there, and he’s asking me to stay in bed with him. I feel dizzy with want, but I can’t do this. “I have classes.”

“Skip them.”

“We can’t all get away with whatever we want. We’re not all the Chosen One.”

“You could. The Families wouldn’t let you get in trouble for skipping one day, remember? Plus, you’re brilliant. Missing one day won’t hurt.”

I’m shocked by the compliment. He must be joking, too sick for his own good.

“You are a terrible influence, Snow,” I say.

“You called me Simon before.”

“Whatever.”

“So, you’ll stay?” He asks, sounding hopeful.

“I guess,” I say, finally relenting, giving in to both of our wants.

No one’s smile should be that stunning.

“I’m going to shower,” I tell him, pushing myself up, forcing him to roll off of me and back onto his side of the bed. I don’t want to move, but I have to before I do something stupid. “Then, I’ll go get us some food.”

“You’ll come back, right? You’re not just saying that so you can sneak off to class, are you?”

“No. I’ll be back.”

“Okay. Good,” he adds.

I give him a tight-lipped smile before sliding out of bed and disappearing into the en suite, where I can finally breathe again. My heart is still pounding, but at least now, I can think straight.

It was a good choice to get out of his bed. I’m pretty sure that I was one more brilliant smile away from kissing him silly. I lean back against the door, my head thumping against it as I close my eyes. I force myself to take slow, deep breaths. I have to calm down before I go back out there with him.

 

**Simon**

Baz returns to our room with breakfast like he said he would, but as soon as he hands it to me, he backs away and moves to sit on his bed without a word. I want him to move back over to my bed and sit beside me, but I don’t know how to ask for that.

Last night was one of the best nights of sleep I’ve ever had, and it was with Baz, of all people, sleeping next to me. I’m not sure why I asked him to stay with me, and if anyone ever asked, I’d blame it on the fever.

He barely even looks at me now, and if I had known that it was going to be like this all day, I wouldn’t have asked him to stay. This distance he’s keeping between us is just a harsh reminder that we aren’t friends.

I thought that he was serious about wanting us to be more than this, but then Penny showed up, and when she was gone, he repeated that we couldn’t be. I don’t understand him, and I don’t know what he wants.

I’m not really sure what I want anymore either. This has all become confusing. I didn’t realize that going on fake dates with Baz would change things so much, especially my feelings for him.

I find myself hoping that we’ll never have to have that big fight that he keeps talking about because I don’t want to hurt him. I never want to hurt him again. Instead, I want to find a way to make him look as at peace as he did while he was asleep.

I woke in the middle of the night, almost surprised that he actually stayed with me. After pulling the blankets tighter around us, I took a moment to admire how different he looks in sleep than he does while awake.

All of the anger and masked worry was gone. It was just Baz, a Baz who wasn’t hiding from the world. It felt like something that I was never meant to see, but it’s now how I want to see him all the time.

I want him to feel safe around me, to let go of all of the pain and worry about a war that may never come.

I shouldn’t care, and Baz has made that very clear, but I can’t let it go. I want something with him, friendship or something else. I want to fight beside him rather than against him, but I don’t know how we can do that when he can’t even stand to look at me unless he has to.

When we first woke up, his expression was open, and as I leant over him, I wanted to lean down and kiss him. It felt like the right moment for it, and I was really close to doing it when he started to sit up, forcing me to move off of him.

It was probably for the best. If I had kissed him, he probably would have left the room and stayed away. I’m trying not to mess things up between us, but it’s difficult when I’m starting to like him in more ways than I ever thought possible. Too bad he doesn’t feel the same way about me.

I pretend to sleep most of the day, but I spend the majority of the time trying to figure out a way to make things work between me and Baz. By dinner time, I’m about to go crazy from staying cooped up in this room for two days.

“I’m going to go get dinner and bring it back here,” Baz says.

“Wait, I’m coming with.” I sit up quickly, ready to follow him.

“You’re sick.”

“I’m better now, and I’m tired of lying in bed.”

He looks like he’s about to argue, but he sighs instead. “Okay. Get dressed, and we’ll head down together.”

 

**Baz**

I could leave while Simon is in the bathroom and let him walk down to dinner by himself - he’s fully capable of doing that on his own - but I find that I want to walk with him. If he’ll even let me after I’ve avoided him all day.

I had to, though. I was getting too close to him, and sleeping in his bed with him just made all of that so much worse. I’m going to break my own heart with all of this.

Allowing myself to hang around him and touch him and consider a possibility of us being friends is what is going to tear me apart. Hope is a dangerous thing, and every time he smiles at me or tries to convince me to be friends with him, the hope I have builds. I can’t give into it, though, because doing that just means falling harder at the end.

I don’t want to get hurt, and I hate hurting him by saying no. There is just no way for us both to get what we want in this situation. I wish that we had never started this competition. That way, I wouldn’t know what it was like to spend time with Simon. The best thing would be to end it now, but I don’t want to do that either. It’s not even about winning anymore. It’s about having fun with him while I can.

Knowing that there is an end date to all of this is what is keeping me together. I know exactly when this will all stop, so I can’t get hurt by it because I’m expecting it. I just can’t let it go on any longer than it has to.

I could try to make Simon stay in our room while I get him some food, but his fever is gone, and some fresh air would probably do him some good, so I have no objections to make. Plus, tomorrow’s Saturday, so he’ll have the weekend to recuperate.

When he’s ready to go, I walk to the door with him, and before we step out, he turns to me and says, “You’re not going to try to stop me from leaving?”

“Would it work if I did?”

“No, but you wouldn’t let me go to class today, so why are you letting me go to dinner?”

“Because you’re looking better, and I’ll make you rest this weekend.” I step out of our room and start down the stairs.

“You’ll make me?” He asks, following close behind.

“Yes. You have to get better so that we can go on our last date together.”

“You’re right. I can’t let you win just because I’m too sick to make it worth your while.”

“Worth my while, huh?” I let myself smile a bit since he can’t see my face from behind me.

“Yes, this date will be the best one yet, and you won’t be able to help but concede defeat.”

“You’re awfully cocky. It must be the fever making you delirious.”

“You said my fever broke.” 

“Hm, maybe I was wrong. Let me feel.”

We’re outside now, so I turn to him and reach out my hand, but he grabs my wrist stopping me. Then, he tugs on my arm, and I stumble a bit, losing my breath and coming to be chest to chest with him. 

“Nuh-uh,” he says, his blue eyes lifting up to meet mine. “I’m going to dinner, and you can’t stop me.”

“Are you sure about that?” I ask, even though, for the second time today all I can think about is leaning down and kissing him. That probably wouldn’t be a good idea out here in the open. I can only imagine what people would think if they saw us like this. Hopefully, it looks like we’re just fighting.

“Try me,” he says, and it comes out breathily but with a challenge still in his eyes.

Laughing and joking like we’re old friends will definitely be the thing that breaks my heart. This is fun, and I don’t want it to stop.

“Fine,” I say, stepping back and pulling my arm from his grasp. “Let’s go.”

I turn away and continue walking in the direction of the dining hall, not waiting to see his response.

 

**Simon**

Baz and I walk together all the way to the dining hall, but after we enter through the doors, we part ways. I want to reach out to him and take his hand, or something equally as stupid, and ask him to sit with me, but I already made him sleep with me last night, so I can’t do this, too.

With one last look at him, I turn and head to my usual table where Penny is already sitting.

“Feeling better?” She asks when I sit down across from her.

“Much. It’s nice to get out of the room at least.”

“That’s good, and you’ll have the weekend to make sure you’re well enough to return to class.”

“Baz said something to that affect earlier,” I say, my eyes drawn across the room to him.

“Speaking of Baz, why aren’t you two sitting together?”

I shrug, turning back towards her.

“Did something happen?”

So much has happened but nothing that I can tell her.

“No, we’ve just been keeping our relationship a secret for the most part.

“Well, I don’t think that you’re going to be able to keep it a secret anymore.”

“Why not?”

“I think everyone knows already.”

“What? How?”

“Well, a couple of people found out about your dates. Then, you were both missing all day yesterday, and the day before that, Baz kept disappearing, so I think that they kind of just started putting it all together. Then, there’s the way that you two just walked in together, and the look that you two gave each other as you parted…”

“We didn’t give each other any kind of look,” I say defensively.

“You really don’t see it, do you?”

“See what?”

“The way he looks at you. It’s a wonder you two managed to get together at all.”

“Oh.” I’m not really sure what she means because I haven’t noticed him looking at me in any way except annoyance recently. “So, everyone knows?” I ask her.

“Well, no one _knows_ until you confirm it, but there are definitely rumors. That’s just the main one. There are a few other ones.”

“Like what?” I ask cautiously.

This isn’t good. Baz doesn’t even want us to associate together as friends. He is not going to like any of this.

Maybe I’m wrong, I think as he appears in the seat beside me, wrapping his arm around my waist.

“Hey,” he nods at Penny. Then, he turns to whisper in my ear so that she won’t be able to hear. “Everyone thinks that we are really dating.”

“I know,” I whisper back.

“What do you want to do about it?”

I turn so that I can see his expression, and he’s so close that our noses nearly bump. I hadn’t expected him to be that close, but this close, I can see the flecks of silver mixed in with the grey of his eyes, which are a lovely shade today.

And why I’m thinking about his eye color right now, I’m not sure.

Shaking myself, I force myself to focus. I look for the anger that I was expecting when he found out that people think we’re dating, but I don’t find any of it. He looks more amused than anything else, so I decide to just go with it.

“I plan to show them how great of a boyfriend I am,” I tell him.

“You mean how great of one I am.”

He smiles, and my gaze falls to his mouth. While his skin is a grey color, not really full of any color, his lips show a light shade of pink, a sign of the life that is still within him. 

“Yeah, whatever,” I say distractedly, forcing myself to meet his eyes again.

“I hate to say this, but you two really do make an adorable couple,” Penny says, reminding us that we aren’t the only people here right now.

I don’t know why that makes me feel glad to hear, but I feel something pleasant build up inside me as my face warms into a noticeable blush.

Baz doesn’t seem as pleased by this, though, and his expression changes into something unreadable as he looks away. His body tenses where it’s pressed up against mine, but his arms stays around my waist, keeping up the pretense.

The good feeling quickly drains from me, and I decide not to think about what caused it. Baz is so horrified by the thought of this thing between us being real that he won’t even look at me now. I start to feel a little sick, and I want to believe that it’s caused by my actual illness and not because Baz is disgusted by the thought of us being cute together.

I never thought that I would want something like this with him, something real and emotional, but just going on these fake dates has brought that feeling to the surface and made me realize that maybe I should have considered it at some point. But if this is how Baz reacts to just the thought of it, it’s something that I should just forget about.

We’ve got one more date to get through, and then, we can stage a breakup or whatever. I’ll even let Baz say he’s the one who dumped me if that’s what he wants. Then, he’ll have won no matter what because ending this will feel like we really did break up.

In an attempt to lighten the mood, I say, “Penny was just about to tell me about some of the rumors going around about us.”

“Really? I want to hear.”

“I don’t think you do,” Penny says. “Not everyone believes that you’re a couple, but they’re definitely talking.”

“What are they saying?” I ask.

“Well, a few people thought that you and Baz got into a really bad fight and that you were away recuperating. But a great number of people think that he actually succeeded in killing you, and every time he’s disappeared was to find a way to hide your body.”

“Why would anyone believe that?” Baz asks before I can.

“That’s not even the most outrageous one.”

“What’s the most outrageous one then?” I ask. Then, after a second, “Wait. You know what? I don’t want to know.”

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”

Baz laughs quietly, which is weird but also better than the way he was acting a moment ago. I like him like this, looking happy and like he might be able to get along with Penny. It gives me hope, which is awful because I know that he’ll just take it away again. I have to prepare myself for that. I have to start believing that we’ll never be more than rival roommates. It’s all we were meant to be, and I can’t change that.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @wo2ash for beta-reading!! <3

**Simon**

It’s Sunday evening, and dinner has just ended. I’m not sick anymore; the cold or whatever it was is pretty much gone now, and I even got Baz to stop hovering yesterday. And to agree to go on a date with me tonight.

He wanted to wait, insisting that I make sure that I’m better first, but I didn’t want to wait any longer. I wish that it was because I’m excited about going another date with him, but it’s more because I just want to be done with all of this.

I can feel myself beginning to want more than what I told him I did, but he doesn’t even want to be friends, so I want to get this over with as quickly as possible so that we can go back to when we didn’t even talk. I’m hoping that that will make this desire to be closer to him, both physically and emotionally, go away.

It’s not really what I want, but it doesn’t seem like I get a say in the matter. Baz doesn’t want to try for friends, and it looks like I’m going to have to just accept that and move on, which is not as easy as it sounds.

Going on these dates - and even getting sick - has allowed me to see the softer side of Baz, the parts of him that he had previously kept hidden from me. It has made me realize how much of him that I’ve missed out on, and it’s what is going to make me miss him when all of this over.

I almost bailed on this last date, just giving in and letting him win, but that’s not the way that I wanted this to end. I wanted one last chance to spend time with the Baz who wasn’t so guarded and closed off from me. It might be the wrong choice to do this because I might end up getting more hurt, but I don’t want to let it go. I don’t want to let _him_ go.

I may not have much of a choice in whether we’re friends, but I do have a choice when it comes to whether I go on these dates.

_It’s just one last date_ , I remind myself as I say goodnight to Penny. As soon as it’s over, I can go back to focusing on the war instead of on trying to get Baz to like me. I’ve never cared about that before, so I shouldn’t care now.

The Crucible made a mistake when it cast me and Baz together. We were never going to get along, and being forced together has only made both of our lives harder.

The Mage once told me that roommates are supposed to know each other like brothers, but it never worked that way for me and Baz. Even that moment when we first met, he was resisting me, holding back as long as possible from taking my hand. He never wanted anything to do with me, and the sooner I accept that again, the better.

Baz joins me outside the doors of the dining hall where we agreed to meet, and without a word, I gesture for him to follow me. I lead him down mostly empty halls until we reach the library, where a handful of other students are doing some last-minute studying and homework before classes tomorrow.

“The library? Really, Snow?” Baz asks, looking at me dubiously.

“Simon.”

“What?”

“Call me Simon,” I tell him.

I don’t know why I’m doing this now, but if it really is our last date, I want him to call me by my name.

“Why?”

“It’s my name, and you’ve done it before.”

“Fine, _Simon_ , why are we at the library?”

“A date. Remember?”

“What, a study date?”

“Something like that.” I shrug. “It’s quiet, and we’re mostly alone and—.”

“And you have a test tomorrow that you need to study for,” he says, interrupting me, “and instead of telling me that you needed to reschedule, you dragged me along.”

“What? No.”

“So, you don’t have a test that you need to study for?” He raises an eyebrow at me, and it’s irritating. He’s know that I do, but that isn’t what this about.

“I do, but—,” I reach out to grab his arm when he tries to walk away, “— but I wasn’t going to do that during our date.”

“Then, why are we at the library?”

I release his arm and look down at the floor as I say, “The other day at the cafe you said that the library is one of your favorite places at Watford. I wanted to bring you some place you like. I thought we could sit and talk, or I could watch you read or something.”

“Watch me read?” He asks, raising both eyebrows this time.

“Whatever. It’s stupid. We can do something else.”

“Wait—.”

“Let’s just go.”

This time it’s Baz who is pulling me back as I try to walk away. This date is obviously going splendidly if we’ve both already tried to bail on it before it has actually begun.

“I want to stay,” he says, his voice suddenly soft, surprising me.

I finally meet his eyes, searching for any sign that he’s joking, but he seems sincere.

“Really?”

“Really.”

I bite back a smile, and we enter the library together, aware of the eyes that follow the two of us but ignoring them. This date is just for us, and there’s no point worrying what other people think. Especially when it will all be over soon.

 

**Baz**

I’m surprised by the thoughtfulness behind this date. Yeah, it isn’t some big show of affection or whatever, but it shows that he’s listened to me and taken note of the things that I like. It shows that he cared enough to listen to what I like, and that’s what boyfriends are supposed to do, right? Find out what their partner likes and try to find a way to give it to them?

I wasn’t even sure if he was listening when I told him that the library was my favorite, and it does weird things to my heart to know that he was. This place holds a lot of special meaning for me, and knowing that Simon wanted to give me that has the butterflies in my stomach doing flips.

The library was also one of my mom’s favorite places, and I have vague memories of coming here with her, being surrounded by all of these books and feeling like I was home. It’s one of the few places that I can go and still feel like she’s here with me in some way.

Now, it’s a place to escape to when I don’t want to be alone in the Catacombs. It’s a place where I can go to relax and remember how my mom cared for me. I never feel alone here, and sharing this with Simon adds to that feeling of belonging here. I was a little worried that being here with him would take away from that, but I was wrong. Being here with him feels right in some way, like this is how it was always meant to be.

He’ll never know any of the details about why I like it here, but the fact that he picked up on how important this place is to me, enough to bring me on a date here, warms my heart.

I’m just not sure how him watching me read proves that he makes a better boyfriend. He seems very intent on doing just that, though. He even seems to be doing fine for a while, but he quickly grows restless, making it hard for me to focus on my book when he keeps fidgeting.

 

**Simon**

I’m not sure why I thought bringing Baz to the library to watch him read would be a good idea for a date. I just wanted to bring him somewhere that he liked, but I probably should have thought it through a little more because I don’t think that this is going to prove that I would make a better boyfriend.

“I knew you wouldn’t like this.” Baz says. He hasn’t even looked up from his book, but somehow, he knows that I’m going crazy from just sitting here. “You’re bored already.”

“I’m fine,” I assure him. I won’t win if he thinks otherwise. “I can entertain myself.”

“Really?” He asks with a quirked brow and a smirk even as he continues reading his book.

“Is your mind always in the gutter?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about it.”

I growl but drop it.

He doesn’t make anymore comments, and I’m free to go back to watching him read. Watching Baz isn’t as strange when he knows that I’m doing it. It doesn't feel like I'm doing something that I shouldn’t be, and I’m free to take in all of the details that I was careful not to notice before. Like the way that he idly toys with the corner of the page as he reads. And the way that he gets this intense, yet calm, gaze, like he’s trying hard to focus on whatever he’s reading, but also like he truly enjoys this.

These are things that I never would have noticed before going on these fake dates with him, and I tuck them away for later. I like knowing these things about Baz, and I wish that I had time to find out more.

Baz was right about me being bored, though. I’m not sure how long exactly a date has to last for it to be a good one, but I know it’s longer than this. I won’t be able to last much longer unless I find a way to entertain myself, and what better way to do that than by messing with Baz?

“Thanks again for the other night,” I begin quietly. I never did tell him that I was grateful for everything that he did. I just haven’t managed to find the words to do so. “For taking care of me when I was sick. I really appreciate it.”

He makes a noncommittal sound, then, “It was no problem.”

“I didn’t realize that you would be such a good caretaker,” I continue, changing the tone of my voice to something more teasing. “I suppose I can add it to the list of things that you’re good at.” _Like being a boyfriend_ , I think but don’t actually say.

I wait for him to say something in response, but he stays quiet, continuing to read his book.

“You know, you have really nice fingers.” That didn’t come out quite how I wanted it to - I was trying to find a way to tell him I liked his fingers in my hair without just saying it, but I think what I said was somehow worse - but I decide that it doesn’t matter when I see the way his lips curve up slightly like he’s trying not to smile.

I continue on, wondering what other kinds of reactions that I can get from him.

“I wonder what you would sound like if I ran my fingers through your hair. I bet you’d make some interesting noises.”

He ignores me, but his face flushes a beautiful shade of red.

“Such a beautiful blush.”

He tries to glare at me over the top of his book, but the blush darkens. Yes, this is definitely a good way to entertain myself. I know I’m being a bit bold, more so than I normally would be, but tonight we decide the winner of all of this and tomorrow, we go back to being rivals, so I plan to make the most of it.

He returns to his book again, so to try to get his attention, I lift my foot and rest it on his chair between his legs, grazing one of them as I move.

“I wonder if you’d blush like that if I held you in my arms the way you did me while I was sick.”

“What are you doing?” He hisses, looking a little perplexed. Finally, he has snapped, his careful composure slipping, and I smile at him, feeling triumphant.

“Entertaining myself.”

“People are watching us and probably trying to eavesdrop, too.”

I shrug. “Let them.”

He glares at me for a moment longer. I wait for him to snap at me or yell, but he seems to relax instead, as though he isn’t bothered by what I’m saying. That’s interesting, and it’s exactly what I wanted. I didn’t want to make him mad, but it was a risk that I was willing to take. I’m glad that it went my way.

The only plan that I had when I brought him to the library was to try to see that relaxed look one more time, to have him feel comfortable enough to drop the cold mask he always wears around me. That seems to have mostly disappeared for the moment, and when he looks at me with a strange glint in his eyes, I’m not sure whether I should be worried or excited.

 

**Baz**

Feeding before our date was a bad idea because I can feel all of the blood I drank slowly rising to my face with every word he says. Simon seems determined to turn me into a flustered mess, but I won’t let him win this. It’s my turn to try.

I slide my chair back from the table, causing his foot to fall from where it had been previously grazing my legs. It catches him off guard, which is exactly what I needed to get the upper hand.

Leaning forward to rest my arms on the table between us, I murmur, “I wasn’t the one moaning.”

Moaning probably isn’t exactly accurate since it was more like he was humming, but it gets the reaction that I want, his face quickly turning a bright red color. It’s beautiful, but I can do better than that.

He leans forward to match my stance, and as the look of shock melts into something else, a mischievous glint in his eyes, he whispers, “But you could be.”

My stomach flips, but I was prepared for him to have a comeback, so I manage not to react outwardly.

“Is that an offer?” I ask, raising a brow at him.

“Do you want it to be?”

I...was not expecting that.

“The question is, do _you_ want it to be?”

“You’re just repeating what I said.”

“And you’re avoiding the question.”

Everything always turns into an argument between us, but this is playful and much better than all of those other times.

“You avoided it first.”

“But can you prove that?” I ask him, trying not to smile but failing.

“What?”

“You’re cute when you’re confused.”

“And you’re cute even when you’re being confusing.” He’s flirting with me, and it’s everything that I’ve always wanted. I feel almost giddy at this.

“Hmm.” I simply hum before licking my lips and watch as he follows the movements with his eyes.

If we weren’t in the library, I’d kiss him. Because I’m tired of this game. I’m tired of pretending like these aren’t real compliments with him. I want it to be real.

 

**Simon**

Baz sits back in his seat, acting like he isn’t as flustered as I am after that exchange. And I guess maybe he isn’t. He obviously isn’t falling for me the way that I’m falling for him.

Tearing my gaze from his mouth, I glance around the library, grateful that no one seems to be paying us any attention.

“The fourth date by the way,” he says, and I quickly turn back to look at him.

“What?”

“You wanted to know what date I’d kiss on, so I’m letting you know.”

“Oh, uh, thanks.” What else am I supposed to say? I mean, surely he doesn’t want me to kiss him right here and now.

 

**Baz**

I know Simon wasn’t going to automatically kiss me, but the way he’s looking at me right now makes me wish that I had kept my mouth shut. I feel like I gave away my feelings for him by telling him that.

We sit there awkwardly for a few minutes, and I briefly consider just getting up and walking out. I’m mortified. Why did I have to go and tell him that I would kiss him tonight? Did I honestly think that it would go over well?

Finally, I force myself to take a deep breath and try to segue into talking about something else.

“You know, this is something that friends do.”

“What?”

“Tease each other, study together. Just hang out.”

“Are you trying to tell me that this is a bad date?” He asks.

“No, I’m saying that we could do this more often. As friends.” I swallow hard, waiting for his response, knowing that it’s fully his right to reject me. I’ve done it enough times to him, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s changed his mind.

“We aren’t friends. You made that perfectly clear. More than once.” He sounds hurt.

I sigh. “I know, and I’m sorry. But I’m telling you now that I want to be friends. I want to make this work with us. And,” I take a deep breath, “I want to take you on another date after this.”

 

**Simon**

For one stupid moment, I think that Baz is actually asking me out on a date. Like, a real one, not another fake one. Then, I come to my senses and remember that this isn’t real. It’s still part of the competition.

If he had asked me earlier, I would have refused. But he just said that he wants to be friends, and I’m in too good of a mood to turn him down.

“Okay.” I nod, agreeing to all of it.

“Great. Tomorrow after dinner.”

I’m surprised by how prepared he is, like he’s been thinking about this for a while.

“Alright. I can’t wait.” I spare him a small smile, and he returns it with a slight quirk of his lips.

“So, do you want to head back to the room for the night? We can study there if you want. It’s quieter. Less people,” he adds.

Right. Study. That’s all it is.  If that’s true, then why can’t I stop thinking about doing something else with him when we get away from all of these prying eyes?

“Yeah, that sounds good,” I say, and I hate that I’m excited by the possibility of us kissing.

I shouldn’t want to do that. And neither should he. An hour ago, we weren’t even friends, and now we might kiss? All of this is starting to be really confusing, and I don’t know how it will end. I’m afraid that it will end horribly, and I have to decide if that’s a risk that I’m willing to take.

 

**Baz**

We stand up and turn towards the exit, and I’m trying not to move at a faster pace than usual. Our hands brush as we walk, and I realize that we haven’t even held hands yet. That was never part of the dates. Now, we’re jumping right into kissing. At least, I think we are.

I all but told him that I wanted him to kiss me. It was probably a stupid thing to do, and who knows whether he’ll take the hint. I want him to, and I’m eager to get back to our room to find out.

Just as I reach for the door handle, someone else opens the door to the library to walk in. I move to step around them, but then I see who it is, and I know that I won’t be kissing Simon tonight.

 

**Simon**

“Hey, Penny,” I say, trying not to sound guilty.

“Simon, can I talk to you?”

“Actually, Baz and I were about to—.” _Kiss_ , is the answer, but Baz cuts me off before I can think of a suitable end to that sentence.

“It’s okay, Snow. We can meet up later.”

“Oh, okay.” I nod at him, hoping that I don’t sound as disappointed as I feel.

Then, he’s leaning towards me, his hand coming up to rest on the small of my back, and my breath catches in my throat. Is he going to kiss me right now? In front of Penny? My heart starts to race in my chest, and I’m torn between pushing him away and pulling him closer.

I don’t want our first kiss to be like this.

And that’s when I realize that I’ve imagined kissing Baz before. Not just after our dates, but before this competition even started. Maybe I didn’t actively imagine all the ways that we could kiss - it was always more of a fleeting thought - but there were times when he would crowd me up against a wall and my eyes would fall on his mouth, making me wonder how they would feel against mine. There were other moments, too. I always quickly pushed that thought away, though.

Now, as his face moves towards mine, I think about it again, kissing him and feeling his lips slide against mine, stealing my breath away. It’s definitely something that I want. It’s not pretend for me anymore. Maybe it never was. Maybe the only reason that I agreed to this stupid competition in the first place was so that I could experience what it would be like to date Baz.

I know that it was never like that for Baz. All he cares about is winning. But as this goes on, I’m forced to admit that I have feelings for Baz.

I swallow hard as he leans in, and I’m still not sure that this is how I want him to kiss me for the first time. I’m about to take a step back when he turns his head at the last moment to whisper in my ear.

“I’ll see you later, Simon.”

I shiver at his words, which sound like a promise of something to come, hoping that he doesn’t notice. All I can manage to do is nod as he steps back and walks out of the library.

I watch him go before turning to face Penny, who wears a strange smile.

“Soo, you wanted to talk?”

“Yeah, let’s go for a walk.”

She turns, and I follow her outside. We walk in silence, and I grow more and more anxious by the minute. Penny doesn’t usually act this serious.

“I wanted to ask how serious you and Baz are,” she says finally.

“Oh. Er, it’s still kind of new.”

“Right. Well, I just wanted to make sure that if you two _are_ getting serious that you’re...using protection.”

I look at her confused, and it takes me a moment to realize what exactly she’s saying.

“Are you trying to give me the _sex talk_?!” I shout, then I glance around, making sure we’re still alone out here.

“Well, I know you didn’t have anyone else to do it, and I care about you. I want you to be safe.”

“You didn’t say anything when I was with Agatha.”

“You weren’t sleeping with her.”

“Me and Baz aren’t _sleeping_ together,” I hiss, just barely managing not to shout again. “We’re just—.” What _are_ we doing? “We just sleep in the same room.”

I almost tell her that we haven’t even kissed yet, but that probably isn’t something that I should admit. She might start asking more questions that I don’t have the answers to. So, I don’t mention that. I also don’t tell her about how we slept in the same bed the other night without doing anything. She probably wouldn’t believe that that was completely platonic and nothing more.

“Look, I know this is weird, but I want you two to be safe. I’m glad that he makes you happy. I just want to make sure you’re both making smart decisions.”

“We’re not—. We aren’t doing anything like that.” My cheeks burn as I say this because this is definitely not a conversation that I want to be having with Penny.

“Okay. Just, if you do, use protection.”

“Okay, okay. Now, can we please stop talking about this?”

“Fine. I’ll let you get back to Baz.”

“Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Simon.”

I wave goodbye to her as we part ways and try not to run as I make my way back to Mummers House, but I end up taking the stairs two at a time, impatient to see Baz again and find out whether studying was all he had in mind when we were leaving the library.

In my eagerness to see him again - something I don’t think I’ve ever been before - I throw the door open, wincing as it slams against the wall. Before I even get one foot over the threshold, though, I freeze. 

The room is dark. I glance at the en suite to see if maybe Baz is there, but the door is open, the light off. Baz isn’t here.

Our room is empty, and my heart falls in my chest, knowing that either I was wrong about him wanting to kiss me, or he changed his mind. Either way, there’s no good way to see this, so I decide to quickly shower and head to bed early. 

My bed used to be a comforting place, but it has felt empty the last couple of nights. After sharing it with Baz, it feels too big for just one person, and it’s colder without his presence beside me.

I know that it isn’t normal to want to sleep with my roommate, but things have changed so much that I no longer know what normal is. All I know is that I’m starting to want a lot of things with my roommate that I shouldn’t.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @wo2ash for beta-reading!!

**Simon**

Baz told me to dress casually, and I’m pretty sure that it was so that he could show up to our date looking gorgeous in skin tight pants and a fitted button up that fit him perfectly, making my eyes go wide when I see him and causing me to lose the ability to speak.

Is this casual for him? Because to me, it looks like he’s trying to seduce me with just his clothes, and it might be working as I practically start to salivate as my gaze travels from his face down to his the hem of his pants and back up. I’m unable to tear my eyes away from him as I take in the dark pants that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination and the shirt that clings to him like a second skin.

I feel overwhelmingly underdressed as I fall into step beside him when he begins to lead me to wherever our date will be tonight. I wish that I had worn something nicer; even my uniform would’ve been better than the worn tracksuit I’ve got on.

The dark green of the shirt that Baz is wearing brings out the grey color of his eyes, making it look as though there are specks of silver in it, surrounded by a shade that’s so dark it’s almost black. It’s almost like he’s got a piece of the night sky in his eyes, and I don’t think that he’s ever looked more beautiful than he does right now.

I know that the desire to kiss Baz and to be closer to him should have given it away, but I think that this is the moment when I realize that I’m definitely not straight.

But that doesn’t make sense because I’ve never been attracted to guys before. I’ve only ever felt this way about one guy in particular, but that doesn’t mean anything. It’s probably only because he’s trying to woo me with these wonderful dates that make my heart race. Once they’re over, these “feelings” will go away, and I’ll know that it wasn’t real. It’s just one of those ‘in the moment’ things. 

Though, none of this explains why, when I’m not with him, I’m only thinking of him and being with him, which is less in-the-moment desire and more of an all-consuming desire that threatens to tear me apart.

I force myself to look somewhere other than Baz and try to find something to say to him that won’t immediately give away how I feel about what he’s wearing - or him.

“You look…” I begin, wanting to say he looks hot but knowing that I should just keep my mouth shut.

“Good?” He suggests with a smirk.

“Not casual.”

“I told _you_ to dress casually. I didn’t say that I was going to. I always dress to impress.” _And impress he does_ , I think, and my cheeks heat up, so I force myself to look away.

The smirk changes just slightly as he watches my reaction, shifting into something that resembles a smile, and my heart does a flip at it.

I wanted to be mad at him when I showed up here, tell him that I was tired of this game that he seems to be playing.

Yesterday, he said he wanted to be friends and practically told me that he wanted me to kiss him, but then he just disappeared. He still hasn’t even tried to explain himself, pretending like everything is normal. I should try to ask him about it, but I don’t even know where to begin.

Should I start by asking him if any of this is real to him? Or should I just ask him what happened yesterday?

As we move away from the Weeping Tower, I decide to go with the simpler of the two questions, not that either of them are simple.

“Where did you go last night?” I ask, in what I hope is a casual tone.

“I ran into Dev on the way back to our room, and he wanted to talk. By the time I managed to get away, you were already asleep.

“Oh.” 

Maybe he didn’t just bail on me. He probably thinks that I was the one who changed my mind. It’s probably my fault that we didn’t kiss last night, and now we probably never will. My stomach fills with nerves as I think about the possibility of making up for it tonight. Would he still be willing to kiss me?

“I was really tired, and I wasn’t sure when you’d be back.” Or if you’d come back at all.

I can’t read his expression as we complete our walk to our destination of the night.

“We’re here,” he says, coming to a halt.

“Why are we at the White Chapel?” I ask, taking in the sight of the building in front of us.

Something about this place creeps me out, and it isn’t just the Catacombs that lie beneath it.

“You’ll see. Unless you’re scared?” He asks when I don’t move, that irritatingly attractive smirk making its return.

“Of course not. I just don’t like this place.”

“It didn’t seem that way fifth year,” he murmurs, almost to himself.

“What?” I ask, frowning in confusion.

“Nothing. Are you coming?”

He starts to move into the building, and after a moment of hesitation, I follow after him. He leads me to the room where we usually have assemblies, and it feels weird to be here when it’s empty, like something isn’t quite right.

It’s a big room with a stage at the front. There are usually rows of chairs that fill up the room, but they’ve been pushed to the side. In their place, Baz has set up a blanket in the middle of the floor with snacks and what looks like mugs of hot cocoa.

“What are we doing here?” I ask him again, softer this time.

“We’re going to watch a movie.”

“What? How?”

“A movie projector.” I look back up at the stage and see that a large, white screen has been pulled down to provide a place for the movie to be projected onto. Baz must have spent ages getting this organized.

“Where did you find a movie projector?” I ask curiously as we move towards the blanket.

“I just found it lying around in an abandoned classroom.”

I give him a look of disbelief. I’m pretty sure that he’s lying, but I don’t want this to turn into an argument, so I ask him something else.

“Couldn’t you have just used magic?”

“I don’t need magic to show you a good time.”

He almost sounds like he’s flirting with me, similar to the way that we were in the library yesterday, and I have to force myself to take a breath and remind myself that it isn’t real flirting. It keeps getting more difficult to remember that, especially when he’s looking at me like I turn his world.

“You haven’t been using magic either,” he says while he works on getting the movie started.

“Well, I was trying to charm you, not kill you.”

Baz laughs, and it sounds genuine, which surprises me. I turn slightly away from him, smiling to myself. This friendship really could be nice as long as I keep my growing feelings for him under control.

“So, what movie are we going to watch?” I ask, moving the conversation to something safer and hoping he can’t hear the pounding beat of my heart in my chest.

 

**Baz**

I’m not paying much attention to the movie, but I can’t really be expected to when Simon is sitting with his leg pressed against mine, his hand tantalizingly close, making me want to reach out and intertwine our fingers together.

His eyes are on the screen, and he seems to be really enjoying this date. He didn’t seem to believe me about where I found the movie projector, and I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t have believed me either.

He turns to look at me, and I quickly look back at the movie so that he won’t catch me staring at him. I pick up my drink and take a small sip, trying to pretend like I’m invested in whatever is going on in the movie and not like I’m hopelessly in love with the boy next to me.

After a while, my gaze drifts back to him, and if I didn’t already know that I was screwed, I would now.

This is when I decide that we definitely can’t go back to the way we were before. I want this friendship between us to work, but for that to happen, the next date has to be our last. If we go on any more of them, I might do something stupid, and I don’t want that to happen. Even if the friendship only lasts until the end of the Leavers Ceremony, I want it. I want all that I can have with Simon.

 

**Simon**

I turn to find Baz watching me, and I know this isn’t the first time during the movie that his gaze has been on me. I’ve felt it like a comforting presence throughout most of the movie. This is just the first time that I’ve managed to catch him.

I don’t look away, and neither does he. The movie goes on in front of us, but neither of us are paying any attention to it.

“You’re not watching the movie,” Baz says quietly.

“Neither are you.”

“That’s because I’m looking at something better.”

I gasp quietly and search his face for any sign that he might just be taking the piss.

He always knows exactly what to say to get my heart racing. It’s like he knows me better than anyone else does.

He reaches out and I hold myself completely still as he places his hand on my cheek and starts to move his face even closer to mine. 

I know that I should move, do something, but I’m too shocked by the look in his eyes to figure out what I should do. He looks like he actually wants to kiss me, but that’s crazy. It’s just a competition - at least it’s supposed to be - but then why do I want to kiss him so badly?

I should pull away. I shouldn’t allow him to pull me in when it doesn’t mean anything to him but is beginning to mean so much to me. But he’s leaning in, and his eyes are falling shut. And I continue to just sit there, letting it happen because I can’t pull away now. I’m already in too deep. 

_There’s no way one kiss will make that much of a difference_ , I reason with myself.

Except, I’m wrong, which I find out the moment that his lips brush against mine, my eyes falling shut instantly.

His lips are gone much too soon, the kiss barely lasting a couple of seconds, not nearly enough time.

As he pulls back, my skin cold where his hand was, and turns to watch the movie again, that’s the moment in which I realize that one kiss actually can make a difference. A big one.

Because Baz doesn’t even so much as glance my way again, as if he wasn’t at all affected by the kiss, but I, on the other hand, am struggling to get my racing heart under control. There’s a lump in my throat as I finally turn away from him.

I wish that his indifference didn’t hurt so much. _Did it really mean so little to him?_ I wonder as I stare down at my hands in my lap. But of course it did. He only cares about winning.

I lift my eyes to stare at the screen at the front of the room, trying to act normal, but I’m still not taking any of it in. I keep replaying that look in Baz’s eyes just before they fell shut as he leaned in towards me.

If I didn’t know any better, I would have believed that the look was real. The desire that I saw in them and the way it felt like we were being drawn together. It all felt so real.

_This is stupid_ , I decide. This sitting here wondering about it. It had to have been at least a little bit real, and I can’t just let this opportunity to find out if it was slip away.

I turn back to him and reach out to turn his face towards mine, kissing him before he can say anything.

I kiss him for real this time, putting everything that I have into it. It’s nothing like that barely-there kiss that he just gave me. It’s so much better.

There’s a small part of me that still expects him to pull away, but he doesn’t. He returns the kiss with just as much fervor. I sigh against his lips, relieved that he isn’t fighting me.

I lean against him, one hand on the floor, holding me up, and the other moving to cup the side of his face, my fingertips sliding into the soft strands of his hair. He responds by sliding one of his hands into my hair, and I barely manage to swallow a moan at the feel of it.

I slide my tongue along his bottom lip, and he parts his lips, allowing me entrance. Our tongues swirl together in exploration. His mouth tastes like chocolate and something else, something strictly Baz, and I can’t get enough of it.

 

**Baz**

I should put a stop to this, but I don’t. I never thought that I’d get the opportunity to kiss Simon like this, so the last thing that I want to do is stop.

I tighten my grip in his hair, and he makes a sound low in his throat. He keeps making the most perfect noises, and there is no way that he is faking any of this.

Maybe the beginning of the kiss was just something he was doing for this competition, but his reactions to me and my touch isn’t fake. I can feel it in the way he kisses me, like he means it, like his life depends on it. He’s doing this thing with his chin, and it feels amazing.

 

**Simon**

We continue on like this, exploring each other’s mouths, until we hear the end of the movie, and as the credits begin to scroll, it’s like it snaps us out of a trance. Baz and I pull away from each other, neither of us making eye contact as we stand up and start gathering things together like we weren’t just making out. I feel a little dazed, but I try not to show it.

For a few minutes, I almost forgot that this wasn’t real, that this is fake a date. Kissing Baz just felt so right that it was hard not to believe that it really was.

I shouldn’t be upset. I should be reminding myself that it isn’t real, but that doesn’t help anything at all because it seemed real. Each kiss did. Now, I can’t figure out whether I’m just letting my feelings blind me or if that moment we just shared was something more real than either of us will ever admit.

Baz has never given me any sign that he likes me like that. In fact, everything that he has ever done proves otherwise, but these past few minutes were different.

Even this competition shows that he doesn’t like me. If he liked me, he wouldn’t have let it go on this way.

I berate myself for letting this happen. For letting myself fall for Baz and then give my feelings away by kissing him like that.

It was a mistake. I know that, but I don’t want to take it back. Even if I could, I wouldn’t want to change a thing about tonight.

I just have to make sure that Baz doesn’t find out what it meant to me. I can’t let him see how much I wanted it or how I actually feel about him.

I have to pretend like it didn’t mean anything to me even if it hurts me to do that, so as soon as we part ways, I go about getting ready for bed, trying not to look at Baz too much, for fear that he’ll be able to see the truth in my eyes.

 

**Baz**

I feel a little unsteady on my feet as Simon and I walk back to Mummers House together. I feel drunk on the taste him. I fight back a small smile because I can’t let Simon see how much kissing him has affected me.

It was amazing. Or, I thought it was. The frown marring Simon’s face makes it seem like he thinks otherwise, effectively quelling the bubbling feeling inside of me and reminding me that none of this is real.

When we get up to our room, Simon doesn’t even hesitate before opening the door and walking inside, not even sparing a glance back at me.

Right. The date is over, so all of the friendliness is, too. I shouldn’t be disappointed by this. I knew that none of this was real to him, and I let him kiss me anyway. I had every opportunity to push him away back there in the Chapel, but I didn’t. I let it happen when I shouldn’t have.

Simon and I are supposed to be rivals, and I can’t let myself forget that. No matter how much I wish things were different.

I can’t wait for the next date to get here so that this whole thing can be over. I don’t know how much more of this that I can handle before I completely break. It’s no longer easy to see that this is just a competition. Especially not when Simon kisses me like that.

It felt so real that I wanted to believe that it was, but I know better than that. Simon may want to be friends, but he’ll never want anything more than that from me.

I just wish that I had kept to the whole no kissing thing. I can’t even blame Simon for any of this because I was the one who kissed him first.

The moment felt right, and I couldn’t focus on the movie with him sitting right there next to me. And when his gaze fell upon my mouth, and he wet his lips as he stared at them for just a moment too long, his tongue darting out briefly, I couldn’t help myself. I had to know what his lips felt like on mine. Even if it was one of the biggest mistakes that I have ever made.

And it was definitely a mistake. Simon couldn’t even look at me afterwards.

I offered up my friendship to him, but maybe that was a mistake, too, because not even 24 hours later, we messed that up by taking things too far in the wrong direction.

I wanted this friendship to work more than anything, and I finally gave into it just to watch it all fall apart just like I thought it would. Granted, I thought it would end a lot differently than that, but things are still messed up.

Even now, as we get ready for bed, he’s doing everything that he can to not look at me. I watch him, wishing that I could say the words to fix things, find the words that will make things right and take back everything that happened tonight. I just want things to go back to the way they were when he was smiling at me like I’d given him the world when I told him that I wanted to try to be friends.

Somehow, in such a short amount of time, that chance seems to be slipping out of my grasp.

As I let my eyes fall shut and try to drift off to sleep, I allow myself a moment to be happy about the kiss that Simon and I shared. It may not have been the best idea and will most likely cause this to be the shortest lived friendship ever, but I’m glad it happened.

It felt like everything a kiss is supposed to be. Soft, passionate, full of emotion.

I’m not sure how Simon managed to fake all of that, and a part of me believes that it wasn’t all fake. I just don’t know what to make of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have one chapter left in this, which is really exciting, but I have a small announcement to make.. Chapter 7 will not be the end of this story. That was the original plan, but I have decided to continue it with a sequel. I am really excited about this because I love this story, and I hope that you all will be excited for it, too!
> 
> So, this fic will end on a bit of a cliffhanger and then it will continue on with their fake relationship after in the fic which has yet to be named. I don't want to give too many details right now because I don't want to spoil the ending of ch 7, but I will let you all know more when that chapter is posted! And I can't give you and exact date for when that will start being posted because I have just not had any time to write recently, so none of the chapters are anywhere near complete, which means that there will be a slight hiatus between the two fics. I will do the best I can to get it written sometime in the near future, but I don't want to make any promises. I just wanted to make sure that I gave you all a heads up before the fic actually came to its end and let you all know that it isn't really the end.
> 
> Thank you all for reading my fic and for all of the lovely comments that you have left <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter is finally here!! I'm so sorry for the wait. I've been so busy with moving and stuff, so it took me a while to find time to finish the chapter. I really hope you all like it and everything that I have in store for you in the sequel!
> 
> Thank you @wo2ash for beta-reading and for giving me the idea for the new ending/sequel! <3

As I walk into the dining hall the morning after my final date with Baz, a sense of dread weighs heavily on my shoulders, making my steps slow and my feet drag. I wish that I could crawl back into bed and avoid what’s about to happen.

The way that I’m feeling today is so different from how I felt yesterday when I still had hope that things could change. Before our date, I was ready to tell Baz how I felt about him. I wanted to confess and see how things went from there, but even though the date was great, things didn’t exactly go the way that I had hoped they would.

Every moment was a build up to that moment, the moment when I was supposed to say, “Baz, I want to be more than friends, and I want it to be real.”

The moment was perfect; the date was perfect. I’m still not certain why it didn’t happen how I planned it to. What did happen is a little complicated and entirely my fault, so I’ll have to start from the beginning to explain how it all changed.

It’s amazing how much things can change in just 24 hours.

It began yesterday at breakfast when I sat down across from Penny. It was like any other morning, but this time, unlike the days before, Baz wasn’t by my side. I left our room early to avoid him so that I could make it down to breakfast and talk to Penny before he joined us.

If I was going to make things change with Baz I had to start by telling the Penny about us. I had piled my plate with food, but my stomach was doing weird things, and I couldn’t bring myself to actually eat anything.

“Are you alright?” Penny asked. She was always good at reading my mood, knowing when I was upset or happy or lying about something.

“I have to tell you something,” I said quietly.

“What’s going on?” She sounded concerned.

“Baz and I aren’t dating.”

“Oh, Simon. I’m so sorry. What happened? Did he hurt you? Do I need to go fight him for you?”

“What?” I asked, surprised by her reaction. It took me a moment to realize that I thought she meant that we had actually broken up. “No. We were never actually dating.”

“Really? Then, why—?”

“It was just some stupid competition. None of it was real.” It hurt to say those words aloud.

“It looked real.”

It made me inordinately sad to hear her say that because it felt real, and I wanted it to be real. But it wasn’t. Baz never wanted it to be.

“Hey,” she said softly, something in my expression apparently giving me away.. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

I did. I told her about how it all started and about all of our dates. I told her why I lied to her and why we kept pretending after everyone started to suspect that we were a couple. Laying it all out in the open made the whole thing seem ridiculous, but I was so caught up in my feelings that I couldn’t see it until that moment.

“I thought we could just be friends or something,” I concluded.

“Friends don’t french-kiss,” Penny said quietly, looking like she was trying to process everything that I just told her.

I know she was probably joking, but my face began to burn when she said that, my eyes going wide.

“Wait, did you two actually kiss?” She asked in a conspiratorial whisper.

I simply nodded, fighting the urge to bury my face in my hands.

“When?”

“Last night,” I admitted, unable to bring myself to look her in the eyes as I said it.

“So that’s what changed.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You two were fine before, but now, you’re freaking out. When did you realize?”

“Realize what?”

“That you really like him.”

I had to think about it for a moment, trying to pinpoint the moment that I figured it out, trying to remember when it was that we went from being rivals to me wanting something more.

“It was when I was sick,” I told her, “and he was caring for me. No, wait, I think that it might have been before that.” If I’m being honest, I think that it was during that first date we went on. Baz was unexpectedly kind, and no matter how many times I told myself that he was just pretending, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was real.

“So, the dates have been real since then?” Penny asked.

“No.” I shook my head. “Not to him at least.”

“Then, you have to make it real for him.”

“How?”

“You said that you have one last date tonight, so you use that as a chance to feel this out, figure out whether he likes you. Then, you two need to talk all of this out.”

“I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t like me, though.”

“Seriously, Simon? I wasn’t kidding when I said that it looked real. Yeah, I was a little dubious about it at first, but after seeing you two together, I could see that there was something special between you. You can’t fake that kind of thing, and Baz definitely wasn’t faking the way that he looked at you when you weren’t looking. There’s something real there. You just need to talk to him and find out what he wants.”

I sighed, knowing that there was some truth to what she said but not sure how to go about it. I knew that it was going to be risky. It was either going to bring us together or tear us apart for good. Penny was right, though; Baz and I had to talk.

I was worried that he was going to reject me, but after everything that had happened over the past week, I had to know for sure. I couldn’t just move on wondering if things might’ve been different if I’d just said something.

Now that I know how that date ends, I wonder whether I should have done things differently.

Our final date together took quite a bit of time to prepare, and it required me to skip lunch and get Penny’s help putting things together. I had been avoiding being around Baz anyway, so skipping lunch was better than trying to find an excuse for why we couldn’t sit together.

I felt a little bad for not even giving Baz a heads up that I wouldn’t be there, but it wasn’t like he’d made any attempts to talk to me all day either. It was like it was all over already. We’d already begun avoiding each other.

By late yesterday afternoon, I was no longer sure why I was even bothering with that date when Baz obviously couldn’t wait for it to be over.

I wouldn’t say that I regret that date because honestly, it was really nice, and I had a lot of fun just spending time with Baz one more time.

For our final date, I decided to scale it back and doing something that was simple yet fun (and would also give us the privacy that we needed to talk after it was over.)

With Penny’s help to keep everything spelled into place, I built an extravagant fort in mine and Baz’s room, using pillows and blankets. Penny even managed to conjure some fairy lights to hang on the inside, and I had some old card games for us to play. With the final addition of snacks, the date was ready to go.

Baz seemed to be rather appreciative of everything that I had put together, even if he didn’t say it in as many words.

After a while, though he was hesitant at first, Baz ate some of the snacks, and I found out the reason that he doesn’t ever actually eat in the dining hall. As his fangs popped out, I couldn’t hold back a little surprised gasp.

“Wicked,” I whispered, leaning in to get a closer look.

He just stared at me, horrified, before quickly covering his mouth with one of his hands.

“Wait, I’m sorry. It’s just really cool.”

“It’s not cool, Snow,” he sneered, turning away from me. “I’m a vampire. I—. I’m a monster.”

“No, you’re not. I would know because I’ve been living with you for nearly eight years.”

“It makes me different from you and everyone else.” He was quiet, and it sounded like this was something that he thought about a lot.

“It doesn’t matter,” I told him firmly, moving to sit in front of him again so that he was forced to look at me. Carefully, I brought my hands up to cup the sides of his face so that I could look him in the eyes. His fangs retreated as I watched, and I had to stop myself from saying, “wicked” again. “You’re cool either way,” I assured him, “and this is the version of you that I want to be friends with. This is who you are.”

 _And this is the version of you that I fell in love with_. I didn’t say the words aloud because I knew they’d scare him away. I needed to ease into that conversation. Because we were already so close, I leaned forward and kissed him gingerly.

When we pulled away a moment later, we rested our foreheads together, neither of us wanting to part from each other.

“I could hurt you,” he whispered.

“But you won’t. I trust you.” The words surprised both of us, but I knew that they were true.

That was the moment that I decided to take as an opportunity to tell Baz the truth, to tell him how I really feel about him. The date seemed to be winding down anyway, so even if it went terribly, it was the end of the night. It was time to decide the winner of the competition.

I let the moment stretch on a moment longer before I pulled back from him so that I could see his face when I told him.

“Baz,” I began softly. “There’s something that I need to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“I…” I didn’t want things to change. I didn’t want to risk losing him. He was looking at me so openly, and I didn’t want to lose that.

“Wait,” he said. “Just...don’t say anything yet.”

I nodded, then he was leaning forward to kiss me again, his hand coming up to tangle in my hair. I moaned quietly as he leaned into me before returning the kiss.

We didn’t part for a long time, finally pulling away when we needed air. I wished that that kiss felt like the beginning that I was looking for, but it felt more like an ending.

We pulled apart, and I moved to put some space between us once more.

“You wanted to tell me something?” He asked.

“Right. It’s just that I…” And then I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell him because no matter what had happened between us, I didn’t think that he really felt the same way, or that he wanted the same things I did, and I couldn’t risk getting hurt by the truth of that. “I-I can’t do this anymore. This has to be our last date.”

It hurt me to say it, and I felt my voice about to break as I did. It had to be done, though. I couldn’t let this go on any longer. It would only lead to more pain.

“Oh.”

“I still want to try this friendship with you, but the dating it’s—.”

“It’s not what you want. I get it,” he said with a nod, but I really didn’t think he got it.

I wanted - still want - to date him, but I wanted it to be real. I wanted all of that and more with him. I just wish that I could have told him that.

“So, I suppose that it’s time to decide the winner of this competition,” He says, and any hope I may have had that he actually wanted to be with me leaves with his words and the utterly bored expression on his face. “We can wait until tomorrow to work it all out if you want.”

“No need,” I told him, shaking my head. “I already know who won.”

“You can’t just declare yourself the winner, Snow.” He sounded irritated, and I hurried to correct him.

And now we’re back to him calling me Snow. I knew then that it really was the end.

“ _You_ are the winner, Baz.”

“What? Why?”

 _Shouldn’t he be happy about this?_ I thought. _He got what he wanted._

“You were the better boyfriend. You planned the better dates, and I had a lot of fun on them. I actually liked going on these dates with you, and you made me fall—.” I quickly cut myself off. Clearing my throat, I ended with, “You made me see that I like spending time with you.”

He was quiet for longer than expected before he relented and started talking details of how we should break up so that everyone would know that we were over. It pained me to see how much it just didn’t affect him. It was like he couldn’t care less.

When he left the room a little bit later, I collapsed into bed and worked on not breaking down and letting the pain of it all wash over me, mainly so that he wouldn’t return and find me curled up into myself with tears streaming down my face.

I managed to hold it all back last night, but now, as I walk across the dining hall, I fear that I’ll break down in front of everyone.

I didn’t get any sleep at all last night, and I know that it shows on my face. I don’t know how I was supposed to sleep when I have to break up with Baz soon. I know that it isn’t a real break up, but in a way, it is.

We’re ending this relationship, however fake it was, and I’m the one that has to do it. In front of all of our peers. Not only will it seem like I’m a jerk for doing such a public break up, but I’ll also be the person who is actually getting their heart broken.

This is it. Baz and I are finished after this.

We may continue on as friends, but it won’t be the same kind of closeness. I’ll know how his lips feel against mine and the way that his hands feel in my hair. I’ll know what it’s like to kiss him and never want to stop.

I have to stop, though. It all has to stop.

It doesn’t mean anything to Baz, which, no matter how many times that I remind myself of that fact, doesn’t make me feel any better. It only makes me see how one-sided my feelings are. He was only ever in this to win, and he did.

He won the competition; he won the title of best boyfriend; and most importantly, he won my heart. He has won everything, and I feel like I’ve lost everything.

The person I’ve fallen in love with doesn’t feel the same way about me, and today, I have to face that truth.

As if all of that wasn’t enough, all of this pain was made worse this morning when I woke up from a dream in which last night had gone completely different. I dreamt up a version of our date where I told Baz how I felt about him, and he told me that he returned those feelings.

If I close my eyes now, I can see the dream almost perfectly:

_“Baz, there’s something that I need to tell you,” I told him._

_“What is it?”_

_“I—.”_

_“Wait,” he said. “Just...don’t say anything yet._

_Then, he kissed me just like he did last night, but this time when he asked me what I wanted to tell him, I decided to take a chance and tell him the truth._

_“I like what we’ve been doing, but I wanted to know if you would go out with me.”_

_“Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?”_

_“No. I mean, yes. But not like this. I want it to be real. I want… I want you to be my boyfriend.”_

_“What?”_

_“Or, I mean. W-We don’t have to?” He still just looked at me, so I look for a way to get out of it, beginning to panic. I thought that maybe I shouldn’t have set up our date in our room; that way, I’d have a place to run to. “We can stop. You won, okay? You were the better boyfriend, and I—. I couldn’t even…” I drifted off, humiliated. “You won,” I said once more._

_Then, I turned away from him, about to stand up and get out of there as quickly as possible, but before I could move very far, he tugged on my arm, pulling me back down to him._

_“Simon,” Baz whispered, his lips close to my ear, as I still had my face turned away from him._

_“Just let me go,” I said, staring down at the floor._

_I could feel the backs of my eyes burning with tears, and I was mad. Mad at myself for falling for him. Mad at the Crucible for casting us together when we can never truly be together. Mad at the Mage and the Families for fighting this stupid war that’s keeping Baz from even wanting to be friends._

_But mostly, I was mad at myself for not seeing how I felt about Baz sooner. For seeing him as the villain in the story of lives._

_“No,” he said. “I mean, not yet. If you still want to leave in a minute, I’ll let you. I just have to say something first.”_

_I couldn’t find the words to respond, and I’m pretty sure the lump in my throat would’ve prevented them from coming out even if I could, so I just nodded, finally turning to look at him._

_“I like you, Simon. I’ve liked you for so long, and I’ve hated myself for it. There were times when I hated you for making me fall for you, but mostly, I was mad at myself.”_

_I started to open my mouth to say something, but he shook his head._

_“Let me finish,” he pleaded, so I nodded again. “For so long, I’ve hidden behind this rivalry between us, and I pushed you away, even when all I wanted was to pull you close. I… Simon, I want to date you, too.”_

_His hands found my hips, and I let him push me back onto the floor so that he was leaning over me before he moved in close enough for our lips to brush when he spoke again._

_“Do you still want to go?” He asked, his eyes searching mine. With the fairy lights twinkling above him, he looked almost ethereal, and I swallowed hard, trying to focus on his question instead of how beautiful he looked._

_“No,” I said fervently. “I want to stay here, with you.”_

_I just barely got a glimpse of the smile on his face before he finally kissed me. He pressed his lips firmly to mine, like he wasn’t messing around anymore. It truly was real._

And then it wasn’t. It was nearly physically painful to wake up and realize that Baz and I were through. And now I have to face that fact in front of everyone we know.

“Are you okay?” Penny asks me as I slump into my usual seat across from her.

“I’m fine,” I lie. I’m definitely not fine. My heart feels like it’s breaking, and I feel as though I’m overreacting about a fake breakup to a fake relationship. “I just have to do something that I really don’t want to do.”

“Then don’t do it.”

“I don’t have a choice, Penny.”

“You always have a choice. You’re just afraid to take a chance.”

I sigh. “You’re right, but I think it’s too late to change my mind.”

“It’s never too late. I’m going to assume that this has something to do with Baz and the fact that he isn’t sitting with us right now and that you look awful today - no offence - so I’m going to tell you again to just talk to him. Look, there he is.”

Baz doesn’t look in my direction as he enters the dining hall and heads toward the table he used to sit at with Dev and Niall.

I stand up and start moving toward him, just as we planned last night.

“Baz,” I call once I’ve gotten within a couple of feet of him, grabbing the attention of the people around me. He turns to me, wearing a smile that I know isn’t for my benefit. This is all part of the plan. We move towards each other, meeting in the middle of the dining hall.

“What is it, Snow?” He asks, loud enough for others to hear, but then he lowers his voice and asks me, “Are you ready for this?”

I nod. “You won, so this has to come to an end.”

“I told you that I’d win. I’m the better boyfriend, and now everyone has seen that.”

I feel anger and hurt bubbling up inside of me. How can he joke about all of this? After everything that we just went through it, how can he act like it was nothing?

“Now that you’re going to break up with me, they’ll see that you’re a heartbreaker.”

Irritated, I glare at him, trying to think of a comeback, but my head is filled with thoughts of losing Baz. Even if we’re friends now, things still won’t be the way that I want. I want a lifetime to get to know Baz, to find out if he could ever feel the same way about me. I need more time.

Then, I get an idea.

After a restless night, I’ve realized that I can’t just let him go. I have to get a second chance to tell him how I really feel.

I always knew that Baz would be the one thing that tore me apart, but I never thought that it would go quite like this. Even the humdrum has never been able to drive me crazy with anger the way that Baz has.

With Baz, it’s different. The anger - and sometimes even the urge to fight him - is there, but it’s nothing like with the Humdrum. With Baz, it’s less that feeling of life or death and more like the choice of two completely different futures, one where we choose to fight each other or one where we choose to put an end to that and use this passion between us for something different, something better.

Lately, we had been making that second choice, and things have felt different. It’s felt like the pieces were falling into place, and we were doing what we were supposed to do instead of fighting against the inevitable.

Now, we’re about to make the first choice, moving away from each other again, but I don’t want that.

Maybe I was wrong the other day. The Crucible didn’t make a mistake. It brought us together for a reason, and what that reason is, I’m still not completely sure. I’d like to find out, though.

I may have only just come to this realization recently, but these feelings have always been there, deeply buried.

Baz is still wearing that smirk, the one that just a couple of months ago would have made me want to punch him. Now, all I want to do is kiss him, but that isn’t the plan.

I see a flicker of something in his eyes, like maybe Baz isn’t as okay with all of this as he pretends to be. It could just be wishful thinking, but I don’t think so. I don’t want it to be. I just need more time to find a way to get him to tell me whether I’m wrong. If I end this now, I’ll never find out, so I come up with a way to extend this thing that we’ve got going, just something to bring us closer so that we’re forced to face this thing that’s growing between us and do something about it. It’s probably a mistake, but I have to try.

Slowly, I get down on one knee and watch as the smirk on his face turns into an expression of shock and confusion.

“What are you doing?” He hisses, trying to pull me back up to my feet.

“You may have been the better boyfriend, but I’m about to show you that I’ll be the better fiance.”

“Why are you doing this?”

I shrug. “Why not? Are you afraid that you’ll lose?”

“Of course not.”

“Great. Let’s do this.”

I glance around us, and I find that everyone’s eyes are on us, trying to figure out what’s going on. Swallowing hard, I turn back to meet Baz’s eyes. I can’t read the expression on his face, but when he doesn’t try to stop me again, I take that as a sign to keep going.

“Baz,” I begin, speaking loud enough for people to hear me now. “This may seem like we’re moving too fast, but I know how I feel about you. I’m in love with you, and even though we’ve spent years fighting, I’ve also spent years slowing falling for you. I love everything about you, even the things that you don’t like to show most people.” I take a breath, hating how true everything that I’m saying is. “We spent so much time apart when we could have been together, and I don’t want to be apart from you for another moment. I don’t have a ring, but Baz Pitch, will you marry me?”

There are several gasps and a few murmurs around us, but I ignore them. I only have eyes for Baz right now.

His eyes look shiny as he gazes down at me, almost like there are tears there, but then he blinks and they’re gone, so it has to be a trick of the light.

“Yes,” he whispers. Then, louder, “Yes, I’ll marry you, Simon.”

It’s quiet for a moment, and then people break out into applause. Baz holds out his hand, and I allow him to pull me to my feet. 

As we stand there, staring into each other’s eyes, it’s like time stops. It’s just the two of us in our own little bubble. I bring my hands up to cup his face and lean forward slowly, and his hands come up to rest on my hips.

“I can’t believe that you did that,” he whispers.

“Neither can I.”

Then, I kiss him, putting my all into it.

I’m in love with Baz Pitch, and I just confessed my feelings for him in front of the entire school. I don’t care who knows, though, because this feels right.

Finally, we pull apart, and I blush looking around at all of the people watching us.

“I thought you wanted to end this,” Baz asks breathlessly, resting his forehead against mine.

I shrug. “Changed my mind.”

“Just couldn’t live without me.” He smirks, and I laugh, allowing him to pull me into his arms. I can’t believe that this real.

But wait. It’s not. Not really.

My proposal was real, but this engagement isn’t. Baz doesn’t love me. The bubble around us pops, and reality comes rushing in. If I wasn’t currently clinging to Baz, I’m sure that I would have collapsed to the floor.

I thought that fake dating him was hard, but now we’re fake engaged. What have I done?

**_[to be continued in the sequel]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!! <3 <3 <3
> 
> I don't have much to share about the sequel yet, but I thought I'd go ahead and share the (tentative) summary with you. I want to try to get most of the sequel finished before I start posting it, so it might take me a while to get to that point. If you want to keep up with updates on how the fic is going, follow me on[Tumblr](https://angelsfalling16.tumblr.com/) where I will be tagging posts about it as #fdf update and #fdf2
> 
> FDF2 Summary: Simon and Baz have left Watford, and plans for their wedding are well under way. Things were never meant to go this far, but Baz and Penny are working together to plan the most spectacular wedding that Simon has ever seen. Simon isn't sure what's going on anymore because Baz was supposed to end their engagement a long time ago.


End file.
